Important Dates and Sawing off Limbs

Though there are many joys in life, one of the biggest has to be when you're working on your math homework and you're getting them all correct. I classify big joys as those that make you feel better than your average state, however, they don't happen all the time -- in fact, sometimes these "big joys" can happen very rarely. Me succeeding at my math homework seems to be a very rare joy indeed. I indeed have math-savy people to thank for helping me with my homework lately: Kenny DiFiore and Rachel Kindergan. I am finally feeling like I know what I'm doing. The wonderful thing about this math class is that it'll be my last math class -- ever. That's it. College algebra and then I'm done. I'm going out of the number world with a bang, so to speak. I got an 80 on my first test and a 100 on my second test (the average of those two scores is a "90" -- see, I told you I was getting good). My next math test is this coming Wednesday, and I'm a little nervous because the material is getting harder.

For anyone who needs a hand with some math homework, a great site to check out is Free Math Help. You have to register for their message boards, but it's free -- and they offer help for any level of math. I just registered tonight and browsed over a few things. From what I can tell, it's extremely helpful.

Tyler came down on Friday night and attempted to trade some songs over iTunes from my computer to his iPod. At the rate of one song per three seconds, it would have taken him a very long time to extract my 16 gigabyte archive of music. The reason it was so slow was because he forgot his iPod docking station -- which makes the transferring process oodles faster than what it was transferring at through a USB cord.

He and I went to see the movie Saw that night. Now, I don't know about the majority of the people who watched it, but I know that I liked it. Take a look at what critic(s) are saying about the movie:

A smart and intense thriller that will make you glad you SAW it.

- Jesse Chapman, judyhoof tribune

The suspense is truly CUTTING EDGE.

- Jesse Chapman, judyhoof tribune

I'll tell you right now that it's now really as scary as the trailers make it out to seem, but that doesn't, by any means, mean that it's a bad movie. It's actually good enough where I'd consider seeing it again at the theaters. Speaking of movies that are coming out in theaters, here's the list of movies that I want to see in the future:

• The Final Cut - Out
• Birth - Out
• Kinsey - November 11, 2004
• Ocean's Twelve - December 10, 2004
• Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events - December 17, 2004
• Andrew Lloyd Weber's The Phantom of the Opera - December 22, 2004
• Meet the Fockers - December 22, 2004
• White Noise - January 7, 2004
• Boogeyman - February 4, 2005
• The Ring 2 - March 18, 2005
• Hide and Seek - April 8, 2005
• Jurassic Park IV - Summer 2005
• Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith - May 25, 2005
• Batman Begins - June 17th, 2005
• Bewitched - August 8, 2005
• Charlie & the Chocolate Factory - August 15, 2005
• Indiana Jones 4 - August 1, 2005
• Superman Returns - Summer 2006
• X-Men 3 - May 5th, 2006
• Spider-Man 3 - May 4th, 2007
  

This is what I think of Halloween this year.

I'm sure there are others, but those are the only ones I can remember seeing previews to and wanting to see. You can find out information on any of those movies at http://www.upcomingmovies.com. Remember, release dates are subject to, and often do, change.

Speaking of important dates and sawing off limbs, Happy Halloween everyone. I hope that everyone had a very safe trick or treat, but not both. Me, on the other hand, pretended Halloween didn't exist. It's just easier that way. I had some Hershey Kisses. My close friends would tell you that I don't like candy or chocolate or even cake -- and they wouldn't by lying. I've never cared for sweets of any kind (but that doesn't I don't occasionally munch). So, as you can probably guess, Halloween has never been a holiday for me to eat -- but it certainly has been an interesting holiday for dressing up.

Two years ago, I went with a group of my friends as Christmas Carolers. Some of the people we visited were very rude. Some interesting quotes included:

• "You've got the wrong holiday."
• "Can I just give you the candy?"
• "HEY, YOU GUYS ARE FABULOUS! COME ON IN AND SING FOR MY PARTNER!"

The following year we went as a group of dead people with a choreographed dance to Michael Jackson's Thriller. It was completely awesome. Some interesting events included:

• An old lady throwing the candy on her doorstep and closing the door.
• Another old lady clapping and giving us candy, then going back into her house for more, and then following us down the road shouting that she had more candy.

My favorite part of Halloween is breaking things in the yards of people who don't give me candy. I'm serious. Every time I got something bad or nothing at all, a lawn ornament would end up on their roof or some porch lights would mysteriously disappear. I think that's what I miss most.

This year, I pretended like Halloween was cancelled. Maybe next year.

Besides, there are better holidays, like "International Visit Rachel Day." Speaking of which, that day is coming up soon! I'll be visiting Rachel on November 10 and staying through November 14 at her Virginia apartment. It'll be quite an exciting time up North. From what I understand, I may need to obtain some warmer clothes (i.e., African Snowsuits). I'm ready to embark on this exciting adventure.

When Rachel came down last about two weeks ago, I got a parking ticket for parking at a meter and letting it expire. I knew it was my fault, so I acted maturely.

SupriseVisit799 and Me_Me_Me walk out to the car.
Me_Me_Me: Well, looks like I got a parking ticket.
SupriseVisit799: Uh oh.
Me_Me_Me: Hummm....
Me_Me_Me is thinking.
SupriseVisit799: What are you thinking over there?
Me_Me_Me: What if I just pretended not to have ever received my ticket?
SupriseVisit799: What do you mean?
Me_Me_Me: You know, like I told them that I never got a ticket, right? All they do is put it under your windshield wipers! Someone could easily come along and snatch it up, or the wind could blow it off. There are a lot of possibilities. The way they give these tickets out creates a huge margin for error, you know. I think I'll do that. I'll just ignore it and never mention it to anyone, and if they contact me, I'll lie and say I never got it.
SupriseVisit799: Why don't you just pay it?
Me_Me_Me is thinking.
Me_Me_Me: Eh, that's a good point.

So, of course she had a good point, and I paid the ticket. The Monday after Rachel left, I went up to Parking Services and gave them the ticket envelope with the money inside, and they thanked me for paying so quickly. Well, that was that.

So, I decided to go back to my dorm and check online to see the new Polaris system. The Polaris system is the University's gateway for all the students to find out their schedules, grades, and other important information. They recently did an update to the entire system, and I figured I'd check it out early as to avoid any confusion when I registered for my classes in the spring.

Immediately when I logged on to the site, I was notified that I had a "hold" on my account. Basically, a hold is something that doesn't allow you to do anything until it's taken care of. Typical holds are problems with financial aid, overdue library books, and...



Parking citations? Well, I suppose that the University's system doesn't update as fast as I'd like it to, right? Just in case, I went back the next day to check out what was going on. Apparently, I had a different parking "citation" that was overdue from October 13th. I told her that I never received a ticket, and that I was concerned as to why it just showed up out of nowhere. She said that they had all the information written down, so there was really no way of a mistake. I again stressed the fact that I did NOT receive a ticket, and I was very upset about that -- plus the fact that there was a fee for not paying within seven days. I told her that it was entirely possible that someone else removed the ticket from my car and because of that I was responsible for the late fees. "Yes sir, that's correct," she said. "We do it that way because some people just lie and say they don't receive tickets."

How about that for irony?

I still protested, but she said that I will have to pay the fee. To be honest, I really didn't get a second ticket (which would have been the first one). However, I decided in the end to just simply pay it. The next day, I made my way to Parking Services and noticed an interesting development in the parking meter areas: all the meters were gone.

Sometimes I hate irony.

As many of you know, I plan to open my own web-site in the coming months. The only problem that I'm going to have with opening my own site is coming up with some time to design the site. I have a hard enough time simply updating my journal as it is! What I'll probably end up doing is simply doing all my homework on a lonely Friday night and spend Saturday and Sunday coming up with an easy design for the time being. The judyhoof.com design, as simple as it looks, was an effort that spanned about a week. I'll probably end up changing the design of my new site a few times in the opening months. So, in short, I have no idea when I'll be able to open my new site. When judyhoof.com closes down, there may not be any journal updates for awhile.

The plans for the site is based on a poll that was conducted at judyhoof.com a few weeks ago. The majority of the people said they liked my journal and lab3 the best -- so these two elements will become the central focus (most likely with lab3 being renamed). Most of the other elements of judyhoof.com will also transfer over, but I'm not sure which things I'll keep and which ones I'll delete. Most likely, the downloads section will transfer completely, however, the older gallery items will probably not. The address for the site has been registered, and a coming soon page is online. If you'd like to take a sneak peak at the site now, please venture to http://www.collegeisamovie.com/.

Suprises

I'm sure one day I'll write a book detailing my life. I'm not sure what the book will be about, exactly, but I have a few ideas, most of which directly relate with each other.

• Jesse Chapman: A Twisted Tale of Sex, Drugs, and Lies: In the first idea, I'll write a book about my friendships and relationships from a first person autobiographical perspective. I'd probably focus on some high school stuff, but mostly talk about each specific relationship.
• "Good Mornin', FPC!": This book would be a total autobiography of me in high school, and it would sell millions. I'd detail more about my relationships with Bill Delbrugge and Judy Vanderoef.
• College is a Movie Starring Jesse Chapman: I'd have to write a book about my first year at college. This would be a hard task to come up with an entire book full of information and material related to college, but I'd try my best.
• "two know: a novel": In this book, I'd write a fictional story expanding on the "two know" video project that I recently completed. The story would star Natalie and Daniel, and it would detail their lives and how they met. It could either be first person perspective from Daniel or third person.
  

This book will never be made, I promise you.

Or I could just write a book about my life entirely. There would be so much to put in it, though. I don't know where I'd start. I'd have to make the opening line a Good Hook, so people would want to read more of my book. So, I could start out with:

"When Judy first moved to Palm Coast, she had no idea that her web-site would attract the CEO of Penthouse Magazine."

Either way, I think that people would find a book about my life interesting. I mean, if Bill Clinton can make a book, then why can't I?

Speaking of Bill Clinton, the Presidential election is coming up in a few days. Everyone on the UCF campus is pretty radical about it. There was an article in our newspaper detailing how people were defacing cars and replacing car bumper stickers with their own candidate's.

I hope that news of such stupidity doesn't surprise anyone. With all the advertisements on television, it's easy to see where UCF students get these crazy ideals of vandalism. Bush and Kerry have made it their goal this year to not only provide the public with news of what they support, but also news of how their opposing candidate's entire life has been a lie.

People go so far as to forge documents and sent them to major news corporations. Something about this entire election process seems "off" to me. Shouldn't we worry about which candidate will do a good job in the future, and let go of the inconsistencies of their pasts?

I'm not sure who I'm voting for yet. In fact, I have some thoughts of not even voting. Yeah, I know. Shoot me now. Anyone who dare claims that they don't feel like voting might as well jump off a building for fear of a worse death by a political Nazi. Instead of voting this year, I've decided to create my own political campaign. Just hear me out:

Now, I know what you're thinking: Why in the world didn't Bush and Kerry think of this? Well, to be quite honest, I'm not sure why they didn't think of this earlier. The plan goes like this: Instead of simply voting for one of the candidates this year, just vote for both of them. This will make things much easier for you because, now, you don't even have to choose! What better way to compromise with your friends who, some of which, want you to Invade Iraq, and others who want you to talk about your old times in Vietnam!

This man will be the logo:
"Kerry the Bush '04"

Now, if you're really interested in who you should vote for in this year's election, you should definitely check out President Match, presented by TIME.

I recently had a surprise visit from my girlfriend (isn't there a better word than that?) Rachel Kindergan, which is one of the reasons why I haven't had the chance to update my journal the past few days. For those of you who don't know, Rachel currently lives in Virginia. We met each other in a summer theatre class at our old high school (the class is unfortunately no longer offered). At the end of the summer, she moved back to Virginia, but we kept in relatively constant contact over the past years.

So the story goes:

Last Wednesday night, I got a phone call about 8:00 PM from my good friend Amanda Westerhouse (Amanda and Rachel became pretty good friends when Rachel visited Florida this past summer.) Amanda rattled off a bunch of confusing directions to me on the phone. I'm sure that she really made sense, but I was so overwhelmed and confused by what she said, I didn't really remember much of what she said.

AmaAma799: Hello Mr. Chapman. Listen very carefully.
Me_Me_Me: What?
AmaAma799: You are going to get into your car and go to the nearest convience store. There, you will pick up a two-liter of Dr. Pepper. Afterwards, you will remove the cap. Then you will go to Orlando International Airport and pick up a package. Go to the Southwest baggage claim, and your package will be waiting for you. Write the following number down: 799. What are you wearing?
Me_Me_Me is totally confused.
Me_Me_Me: Wait a second, what's going on? Is this, like, a math question you have -- like one of those logic problems? I remember a problem like this, but it was a bus driver, and he picks up people and drops them off, and you're supposed to answer, "What color are the bus drivers eyes?" Is it like that.
AmaAma799: You have to do exactly what I said. Be at the Orlando International Airport by 9:00 PM, and your package will be waiting for you there.
Me_Me_Me: Uhh...alright...?
AmaAma799: Any more questions?
Me_Me_Me: Uhh...alright...?
AmaAma799: Good-bye.

You see, I wasn't joking when I said the thing about the math problem. The way I took the phone call, it seemed like she was asking me some sort of question, or...something. Anyway, I wrote down the claim number and went to the airport.

I immediately thought it was Rachel waiting for me at the airport, but I didn't want to get my hopes up. Rachel had told me the day before that she was airmailing me a package overnight through FedEx -- things that she couldn't get to me on my birthday (two days earlier). So, I was thinking to myself that the claim number was way too short for a package. Sounded like a flight number to me (I'm not that stupid, despite popular belief from the audience).
you know you laughed at this

In this digitally unaltered photograph, British folk Daniel Bedingfield wears a neck brace after a horrible car accident that almost cost him his life. Ironically, he's wearing a Superman shirt. Ironically, he's not dead. Ironically, Superman broke his neck, and is dead.

I MapQuested my way to Orlando International Airport so I wouldn't get lost. On the way down to my car, I started talking to myself (something I like to do when I need to organize my thoughts). I couldn't wait to get to the airport to see what awaited me. Deep down inside, I could feel that Rachel was close, but I really didn't want to get my hopes up. I think I would have cried if it was my package sitting there on a counter waiting for me.

I spiraled up the parking garage and parked my car in 1-E. I walked through the double-glass sliding doors and went down the elevator. I couldn't stand completely still. Could it really be Rachel? Something like this would take extreme coordination and planning. Could Rachel truly be mrs_plans? I didn't have the answers to these questions. All I had at the time was an elevator full of British folk. They were nice.

I'm not sure who has been to Orlando International before, so I'll go ahead and say that it's extremely confusing. There are sixteen elevators that all look like they go to the same place, but they really don't. Elevator one takes you to the terminal, elevator two takes you to the dining area, elevator three takes you to the bookstores, elevator four takes you to parking, elevator five takes you to the ticketing counter, elevator six takes you to security, elevator seven takes you to the bathrooms, elevator eight takes you to the baggage claim, elevator nine takes you to the janitor's closet, elevator ten takes you to Universal Studios, elevator eleven takes you to elevator twelve (and vice versa), elevator thirteen takes you to Iraq, elevator fourteen takes you to Judy Vanderoef's house, elevator fifteen takes you to Michael Bolton's house, and elevator sixteen takes you to Hell (elevator fifteen can also take you there).

I took elevator eight, obviously. The only problem is that the Southwest baggage claim was all the way down at the other end of the airport. At least I was on the right floor, I thought. So, I began walking. Somewhere along the lines, I decided to go walk on the outside of the building (where you can pickup people -- there is a parallel walkway outside). I walked all the way down, but I didn't see any package or any Rachel outside. It was right then when I got a text message on my phone from Rachel.

Although that's a really crappy graphic rendering of my cell phone and the text message that I got, you get the idea.

I walked in through the double-glass sliding doors at the end of the walkway, looked to my right, looked to my left -- and there she was. I walked over towards her, looked to my right, looked to my left, spotted a man, who indeed shouted, "HELLO!" at me, to which I replied, "YEAH, HEY!"

She smiled.

I smiled.

Title: Never Gonna Eat Your Fries
Artist: Daniel Bedingfield

I ordered some ham and I want thirds
Some salad in my bowl
Some barbecue wings
With meat and not just bones
I want the biggest steak I can afford
Please cook it well-done
My order has begun

Salsa and chips is what I crave
Bring ‘em out on a tray
Set them next to me
My friends ‘ell have the same
On a side note, Judy has fake hair
Rogaine is not to blame
She wears a toupee

I don’t know why I told you that, maybe it’s just a warning
I didn’t mean to switch subjects and change the pace
My meal hasn’t come yet, so I ate some fries from you
and I’ve been sick everyday
[throws up]

and I'm never gonna eat your fries
and I'm never gonna eat your fries again
still throwing up girl
You probably didn’t wanna know
But when I’m puking on your arms
I know you’ll groan

She got up and came over to meet me in my stride. I immediately put my arms around her and she walked into the me, pushing me up against the wall. We kissed and then held on to each other.

It took us about twice as long to get out of the airport than it did for me to get in. I couldn't help but stop every few minutes and hug her, or just look into her eyes and realize that I accidentally took the fifteenth elevator (bad news, there, kids). No one has ever surprised me like that before -- ever.

We spent the following two nights in a hotel room that she booked before coming down. At the time, she didn't know that girls were allowed to stay in the dorms on campus with the consent of the roommates. Regardless, it would have been weird for the two of us to share almost a dorm bed (dorm beds seem to be twice as long, and half as wide). While in Orlando, we ate at Friday's and had Daniel Bedingfield as our waiter. While waiting on us, he performed such hits as, "The Meal's Free at Friday's," "Gotta Get Fried Shrimp," "If You're Bread is Done," and the hit classic, "Never Gonna Eat Your Fries" (lyrics available on the side).

On Friday, we came home for the weekend and spent some time with Jill, Judy, and Jamie. Jill, Jamie, Rachel, and I went to see The Grudge in Jacksonville. I'd recommend this movie to anyone who wants to be scared, but doesn't really care about seeing a "quality" film. I didn't think the plot was very good at all -- in fact, there really wasn't a plot, but boy was it scary (at least I thought so). We ate a Chic Fila afterwards. Rachel didn't feel very good after eating there (probably the music they were playing -- CREED). So, I dropped Jamie and Jill back off at Jill's house, and Rachel and I went home for the night.

We spend most of the time at my home in Palm Coast. It's so hard for us to ever get anything accomplished -- like shopping, going to parks or ice-skating, or just going and visiting places. Because I don't get a chance to see her very often, and usually not for very long, we spend most of our time together. I'm selfish, what can I say? We ate at he local "Lucky Buffet" Chinese restaurant and had a pretty decent meal. I tried to eat some crab and nearly threw up (see song lyrics on left).

Long story short, we had a truly amazing visit. I'm going to be visiting her again on the 10th of November. I'll be following basically the same schedule she did when she came down here -- down on Wednesday, up on Sunday. She's going to try and come down for Thanksgiving. I will be extremely sad if she can't make it down, but I will understand. Plane fairs are extremely expensive around the holidays -- almost $400 for a round trip flight when normally you can fly for about $160 - $230. She could always use another means of transportation, (e.g., raft, canoe, hovercraft, kite, etc.). And for the holidays, I'll be traveling by car up to Virginia to spend Christmas with her and her family. She'll come back down after Christmas and spend the rest of semester break with me in Florida. Hopefully, I'll one day be able to see Amanda Westerhouse again. Without Amanda, Rachel's surprise visit would have been much harder and probably not successful. I thank Amanda from the bottom of my heart for her efforts in espionage and planning. Too bad she's probably dead by now (c'mon...the girl does live in Tallahassee).

Mollister

One shirt said, “I [HEART] NERDS,” another said, “I [HEART] NY,” and the third one said, “I [HEART] SOCCER MOMS.” There was a love in the air at college that day. It was these shirts that made me question the current trendy fashions that my fellow college students were wearing – and these students must love to share information. Why else would they wear a shirt advertising something that I didn’t know about them? Did they want to attract nerds or New Yorkers? Perhaps they wanted to commit adultery with lucky #7’s soccer mom. I couldn’t say. An interesting fact about the shirt-bearers was their pants, shoe wear, and accessories – almost identical. After doing some fashionable research online, I realized that my fellow college students were paying astronomical amounts of money to wear clothes that you can easily obtain at Wal-Mart, Target, and even the Salvation Army for a fraction of the cost. The difference? Abercrombie, Hollister, American Eagle Outfitters, Louie Vuitton, and other designers have there insignias on these clothes. The real difference? About $243.50.

That day, I was wearing a collared shirt, blue jeans, casual Sketchers sneakers, and a black backpack. I felt dirty. Everywhere I looked, I could easily spot highly popular fashions. I wanted to ask someone where this college fashion store was so I could purchase these clothes and be an individual just like them. It was then when I realized that I was in the era of screen tees, bleach washed jeans, vintage apparel, genuine leather flip-flops, aviator sunglasses, cargo shorts, and designer bags. I was in the era of chain-designers.

The demand for the “beachwear” or “prep” styles of clothing has become a fashion phenomenon among college and high school students. I knew, however, that this didn’t happen overnight. What I didn’t know was how long, exactly, these fashion chains had been marketing their clothes. The original Abercrombie & Fitch was established in 1892; however, it wasn’t until the early 1990s when it became the popular clothing store of today. The subsidiary store owned by Abercrombie & Fitch, Hollister, wasn’t created until 2000. It seems that ever since the early 90s, these types of clothes have had somewhat of an exponential growth in popularity among the age group of 15-25. The only problem I see with this trend is the outrageous prices that these designers were charging for very simple styles.

Screen tees are hugely popular among the target age range. These are the shirts with text imprinted directly onto the shirt. Some types of screen tees include, “Humor Tees,” “Athletic Tees,” “Baseball Tees,” and “Logo Tees.” Logo tees are extremely popular and simply have the name of the store where the shirt was purchased (and possibly the logo) plastered across the front. Humor tees have a statement on the shirt that tries to evoke humor. Want a few new funny screen tees? Three new shirts probably wouldn’t hurt, right? Average cost of a screen tee: $24.79. Total cost for three shirts: $74.37. I’m willing to bet that humor tees aren’t as funny anymore. Price for a screen tee at Target: $16.99.

Levi Strauss, founder of Levi’s jeans, would be stunned at the price of modern jeans. In 1990, a pair of fashionable men’s jeans cost anywhere from $20 and up. Purchasing a pair of fashionable jeans today, for males or females, requires you to cringe every time you take out your checkbook. The cheapest pair of jeans that Abercrombie & Fitch has today is $59.50. I guess it could be worse, right? Well, it is. Abercrombie & Fitch has Ezra Fitch Destroyed Boot Denim, which retails for $125. The average cost of jeans at Abercrombie & Fitch comes to an unsettling $87.31. At Target, they carry almost identical styles in jeans; however, the price on any single pair of jeans in Target does not exceed $30.

No designer-fanatic would be complete without his or her messenger/carrying bag or purse. The most popular brand of designer bag is Louis Vuitton, popularly referred to as Louie Vuitton. These bags can literally be spotted fifty feet away by the repeating “LV” pattern across almost all of their bags. Despite the many imitation Louie Vuitton bags that exist, many insist on purchasing only authentic bags. One of the most popular Louie Vuitton bags is the cylindrical-shaped Papillon 30 – what I like to refer to as “the log.” This bag retails for $750, and can fit only about three or four cans of Spaghettios inside. For this price, you could buy roughly forty-five purses at Target. Another popular Louie Vuitton bag is the Speedy 30, or, as I like to call it, “the mailbox” (again, for its shape). Twice the size of the log, the mailbox retails for $545. I’m not sure why the smaller bag costs more, but I’d like to say that it’s the log-like shape. It probably makes consumers feel safer – in the event they are mugged, they have the chance to attack the perpetrator by using the a “log-to-the-face” technique. Other popular styles are “the toaster,” and “my eyes hurt.”

Some would probably say that I’m not focusing on the fact that Abercrombie & Friends are selling high priced clothing, but I’m actually discussing how the age group of 15-25 has no concept of how to control their money. I’d quite simply agree with you. I understood when I began this paper that the ideals would be vast, but I would somehow have to pull it all together. Not only does this topic address the fact that modern fashionable clothing is priced outside of the realistic range for the target age group, but also the fact that most are willing to spend the money! Another aspect of this topic could be why most in the age group are actually purchasing these fashions. Is it the need to feel accepted, to feel rich, or feel new? I’m not exactly sure. I admit, I’ve bought into the current fashions at college. I stick to more affordable clothing chains such as Old Navy, Target, and Wal-Mart. Since I’ve come to college, “clearance” has become my best friend; however, it’s a word not in the Webstercrombie & Rich dictionary.

Chances are, you’ve heard of college students complaining that money is hard to come by. This fact comes of no surprise when you evaluate where college students’ money is usually routed to – their clothing. The irony is that people who commonly purchase clothes like this will refer to it as their “casual” or “beach” look. These clothes are anything but financially casual for the average student. According to a survey taken at Virginia Commonwealth University, the average college student makes about $6.75 an hour and works around 20 hour weeks. The students’ weekly salary chimes in at around $105, after taxes. Purchasing Ezra Fitch Destroyed Boot Denim, a humor tee with “I Wrote the Karma Sutra” (this is a real shirt) across the front, a pair of boxers, one belt, and a pair of flip-flops comes to an unsettling $243.50. That outfit just set the average college student back $138.50 – and that’s only one outfit. Don’t forget food, gas, tuition, rent, and any other necessities he or she may need – like the “Louie Vuitton log,” which redefines the student’s debt at a negative $888.50. These styles can be replicated at such popular stores as Wal-Mart and Target. However, designer stores make it easy to access the proper combinations to create the archetype college student.

Just for fun, I tried searching online for “Louie Vuitton Sucks,” or “Louis Vuitton is Bad,” but the only results that came back to me were, “it sucks that I can’t get a Louie Vuitton checkbook wallet,” and “Do you want a Louis Vuitton handbag, but your credit is bad? We can help!” I’ve never felt so molested in my life. Now there are credit agencies that will help you reestablish your credit so you can spend your money on Louie Vuitton handbags. It was then when I realized how I was going to become a multimillionaire.

I’m going to open my own line of chain-designing outlets. The name of the store will be “Mollister,” rhyming with Hollister. My first pair of pants will be fashioned from recycled tires and will be named, “MOLLISTER REPAVED ROAD WARRIORS.” My first series of screen tees will say ”I [HEART] ATTACKS,” and my logo tees will dawn the following text: “MOLLISTER: Raping You of Your Money Since 2004.”

This shirt will be the first humor tee produced by Chapman's MOLLISTER. Click for larger view.

Growing Up is Hard to Do

My friends have always been more important to me than my family.

When I was growing up, I had my mom and dad. We lived in North Carolina in a large two-story house in the country. I remember the layout of the house well; more importantly, I remember having a happy childhood. Of course, there were fights between my parents. I them getting very heated at times. My dad was a very violent person despite the fact that he loved my mom and I. Growing up, it was hard to find my dad without alcohol in his blood stream; it was hard to find my mother smiling. Despite their many differences, my mom and dad had one universal bond in common – they loved me with everything they were.

When I was growing up, I never had many friends. It wasn’t until I was in kindergarten until I made my first best friend. His name was Sean, and he lived in St. Augustine, Florida. Sean had a big family of four other brothers. His mom and dad happily adopted me into their family after many school days and weekends. You might say that kindergarten is pretty early to make a best friend. Keep in mind that this best friend was the only friend I had – and the only friend I had for a long time.

It was those years in St. Augustine when I spent more time outside than I ever had in my life. I learned how to climb trees, build sandcastles, and create happiness for myself. During those years, my parents weren’t together. My dad lived in Jacksonville and I lived with my mom, her boyfriend at the time, and my brother Ben. This was another time in my life when I didn’t understand family values. My mother worked all the time. My mom’s boyfriend hated children. My brother wasn’t always the nicest person to me. Throughout it all, Sean and his family happily accepted me into their lives whenever I needed them.

Could you blame me for loving my friends more than my family? I almost feel compelled to ask: could you blame me for having a family with my friends instead of a family with my relatives? This was the truth of my life at the time. I loved Sean and his family. They were the ones there for me. They were my brothers, my mothers, and fathers. They were the family I had constructed in my mind to appease the absence of the family I was originally signed up with.

I had been away from my dad for a while. I didn’t know what divorce was. I didn’t know what separation was, or custody, or hatred. These were elements of a foreign thought. I had known friendship and love ever since I could remember. I knew of unconditional acceptance and holding hands and smiling and looking into someone’s eyes with tears of joy. Again, these were fairly new concepts to me. I felt so good with this new dogma that I had forgotten the fights of past between my parents. I had reestablished a constant inner monologue of happiness.

I remember my mom telling me that my dad was coming to visit me. I remember the day vividly. I was dressed from head to toe in black – a sight not uncommon in my earlier years. He was on the boardwalk of the apartment complex that we were staying at. I don’t remember saying much, but I remember feeling comfortable around him. I don’t remember being scared, but I remember feeling that he had never left. Like he had went to the store and come back, I acted as if it weren’t a big deal to see him again.

But maybe it wasn’t a big deal to see him again. I had not known love with him in my life. The only loving icons I knew of were my mother and Sean and his family. It was these early years in my life when I never quite developed love for my father.

Visitation with my father was a rollercoaster. Some months I’d see him a few times, and other times I wouldn’t see him for a few months. I didn’t really develop a sense of schedule. He was never a reliable person. I hating hearing from my mother that my father had yet again cancelled plans for no good reason. This, coupled with the constant moves and changes, I developed a hatred early on in my life for unreliability and disappointment – two things of which I’d have to later become accustomed to.

I was tested for gifted a few times over my first, second, and third grade years. To me, this meant that I had to sit in a room with a stranger, talk to him or her about myself, and answer questions that I didn’t quite understand. I wasn’t accepted into the program until my father and mother became actively involved. They had me tested by a Jane M. Parr, a St. Augustine psychologist. The report detailed how I “appeared to become restless and rather bored,” and that I “showed particular strength in visual organization, spatial perception, and attention to detail.” My lowest performance score was, “in a test of psychomotor speed and eye-hand coordination, but this score was still well above average.” This evaluation landed me into the gifted program in third grade.

I was eight years and four months old. I switched into the gifted program, out of the mainstream program, into another school, and out of my comfort zone. I had to leave my best friend Sean behind. I completed my third grade year in gifted classes as the lowest ranking student in my gifted classes. I didn’t make any friends that year.

When we moved to Palm Coast, I was going into my fourth grade year. There, I met Danny Clifton, Joe Drewes, and Brittany Wall. I became fairly good friends with Danny Clifton, but nothing felt the same to me. Danny was in fifth grade while I was in fourth grade, but we were in the same class because gifted classes were often mixed. This meant that Danny graduated to sixth grade when I was in fifth grade. Again, change so quickly forced me to reestablish my definition of friends. I had never experienced so much change in my life. My communication with Danny did not continue when he graduated to sixth grade.

In fifth grade, I met Harrison Bray, Alex Walsh, Stacey Gunberg, Jason Beams, Niki Tilton, Elizabeth Ruggieri, Noah Marks, Kenny DiFiore, and Michael Miller. These people would become key players in my life throughout my fifth through eight grade school years.

These years melded together so much, I have a hard time remembering which years each event happened. I can, however, remember the most important events each year. Thanks to Niki, I’ve never forgotten my fifth grade craziness – standing in the back of the room trying to fill up a cup with water that had holes in the bottom while the substitute teacher stood there asking me what I was doing.

“I’m trying to fill this cup up.”

The water poured right through the cup.

In sixth grade, we took a school trip to the Florida Keys over spring break. One night, I decided to climb the back of a random camper and hop up and down on the ladder. When I heard the front door to the camper open, I jumped off and started running at the same time, so when my feet his the ground, I’d already be moving fast enough to get away from whoever would emerge from the doors.

Middle school laid the groundwork for high school – which redefined my life completely. I met amazing people throughout my middle and high school years. Stephen Mayhugh, Tyler Teachworth, Rachel Kindergan, Katie McDuff, Patrice Majewski, Jordan Baylor, Bianca Webb, Jamie Lowe, Matthew MacDermid, Jill Vanderoef, Judy Vanderoef, Paisley Majewski and Amanda Westerhouse. There are, of course, many others that I met throughout those years. Most of them, however, do not keep in regular contact with me.

It wasn’t until the end of my high school career when my brother Ben and I started developing a real relationship. He can become a little overbearing at times, but I do care about him now. During all these years in my life, my mom and dad were on and off with each other, but loving me every step of the way. I will never be able to tell them how much I appreciate them sacrificing their own happiness to try and create a family for me.

But, I never had a real family. Instead, my mother and father became two great friends. I had fights with them occasionally, but they never acted as disciplinarians or parents. I was spoiled throughout most of my childhood and up through middle school. During the first few years of high school, I became less materialistic and more dependent on others to satisfy my cravings for entertainment. My friends became my possessions. I collected as many interesting people as I could as a means to keep me happy. Some stayed, many left. Since middle school, I’ve always had at least one friend. Since high school, I’ve always had a few friends there for me. I was often jealous of my friends when they say they can’t come over because they have “family time” they have to spend with their mom and dad and brothers and sisters. I sometimes wished that I had family time. I got upset when families are at each other’s throats, thinking to myself, “at least they have a family to get mad at.” It’s natural to fight with those you love – it’s how you grow and learn and love again. I guess what I feel the most is envy that people can have families and friends, when I know nothing of the former.

Today, I turned nineteen years old. Over the past nineteen years, I’ve had a wonderful time with everyone that’s come into my life. I’m in college now and trying to understand what it really means to grow up. My father and his family keep in regular contact with me now on the phone. My mother met me today for lunch and also keeps in regular contact through e-mail and phone. Rachel calls me every single day and sent me a wonderful gift which I received today. Amanda and I meet up with each other over the phone as often as we can and gave me a wonderful gift. Jamie and I talk online all the time. Judy meets up with me in Orlando and calls occasionally to catch me up to the latest events. Kenny helps me with my math homework and talks to me online. Jill talks to me when she can break herself away from her overbusy schedule. Patrice calls me occasionally in hopes that I can break myself away from my overbusy schedule. Tyler text messages me and calls when he finds the time. Bianca and I pick up our conversations like we never get off the phone with each other. My cousin Lindsay has recently started contacting me and sharing with me her own life – she’s a great person. Katie calls me sometimes to share a laugh or two or to meet up with me. Paisley and I contact each other whenever we see something hilarious and worthy of telling each other. Kim and Kyle (whom I knew in high school, but only recently became better friends with) keep me sane at college as much as they can. My brother called me today to wish me a happy birthday.

My family hasn’t always been there for me because it’s never really existed. but I guess I can't be totally unfair -- my friends haven't always been there for me, either. I tend to output way more than I receive. However, the combination of what little family I have coupled with the awesome friends that I have combine to create a loving expansive group of people that redefine traditional friends. Thank you to everyone who I’ve listed, and everyone else who I haven’t who has cared about me during my life. You are the reason I am. I thank you, and I love you all.

Walker, Christopher's in Danger

When I told Rachel that I had to get off the phone last night early, I felt pretty bad. We always talk at night before we go to bed, but I knew that if I talked too much last night, I'd have a harder time getting up in the morning.

It was this morning when I missed class for the fourth time that I decided to look into buying a new alarm clock. I told my mom the other night that I wanted to look into single room housing next semester. I'd have so much more freedom. If I did that, I could use my computer to wake me up playing some triumph overture or something (I would probably not do this). I'm not sure. I'm just mad at myself. I went to bed earlier, and just slept through the alarms? When did they go off? They were both set. I am mad. I feel like punching myself, but I will refrain. Paisley sent me a text message earlier today. She though that'd wake me up? Ha, right. Anyway, I am serious about looking into a single room. It's only $250 more. I have no problem paying that. It's not about having a roommate, it's about not feeling that I can have people over. I hate that! If I had a single room, I'd be more inclined to invite people over.

So, I woke up around 10:00 Am. I set out to English class to present my introductory paragraph. The teacher said that I needed to calm down on the first paragraph, and not introduce so much information. I guess I get so excited about my topic, I just want you to know everything at once. I'm not sure if I mentioned that I received a 103% on my previous English paper. I don't know what's going on with me. I love this writing thing now. I do it all the time, whether it's in class or in my journal.

Another on-campus development over the past few weeks is the Pro-Kerry-Steakout. Some radical Democrats (redundancy?) have decided to camp out in front of the library in order to raise awareness of voting. Although their goal is for people to vote democrat, they say, "We want people to treat voting like using a trash can. We want you to do it regardless of who you vote for. Even if you throw away the American lifestyle." Alright.

By now, I've become accustomed to having people randomly show up in The Commons. They're always out there on Sunday nights playing their card games or having sex with each other. The EVIL invites them over all the time. Sometimes I think about going out there and joining them. I mean, they have asked me in the past, but the thought of playing Card Games on a Sunday night...that's unacademic, if you ask me. And I'm all about school. It's my life. Don't you forget.

Kim and I were walking out of Psychology the other day talking about Professor Negy. He posted the test grades for the first exam, but some jerk ripped them off the wall thinking he was doing the world a service. So, needless to say, Kim and I were pretty upset about this.

PsychoKim88: I wish that I could have found out my test grade.
Me_Me_Me: Yeah, me too. Oh well, I'm sure we'll out Thursday.
PsychoKim88: Do you think he'll post the grades again, or should we go see him in his office?
Wrote_the_Book99 has entered the chat.
Wrote_the_Book99: Are you talking about me?

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Negy has approached us from behind in Delta position -- striking like a venomous snake without us even knowing where he was. Before we knew it, we were talking to DR. NEGY, face to face, mono e stereo.

As we all know, Negy wrote his own book (above). But most people don't know about Dr. Negy's Tips for Success, located in the first section of his book.

PsychoKim88: Oh, yeah!
Wrote_the_Book99: What did you want to know?
Me_Me_Me: We just wanted to know if you were going to post the grades again.
PsychoKim88: Or if we need to come by your office, or...
Wrote_the_Book99 looks at Kim and Jesse like they're completely stupid.
Wrote_the_Book99: I'll post them on Thursday.
Wrote_the_Book99 has left the chat.
PsychoKim88: OMG! I TOUCHED HIS ARM!
Me_Me_Me: I can't believe he actually looked right into my eyes.

So, I got a 76 on my first psychology exam. Not too bad considering it was my first college exam of all time. The tests are pretty much your entire grade, and you really do have to study. High school in NO WAY prepares you for this. However, I prepared myself and got a 96 on my second psychology exam. This wonderful grade is due to Dr. Negy's Tips for Success (which you can find located in his book). And it's also due to my good psycho friend Kim Blythe and her wonderful study habits. You know, Kim never leaves trash on a table when she's getting up from a sit-down food location (McDonalds, Taco Bell, etc.) In fact, she usually gets a newspaper to read while she's eating, she throws all her trash away, and PUTS THE NEWSPAPER BACK IN THE NEWSPAPER THINGY. She's a true American.

The Terminator 2 Bobble Head (above) lays dormant and in need of repair after a nasty Sunday night fall.

I have some sad news for Terminator Fans, as well. At approximately 11:30 PM, my bobble-head Terminator 2 figurine flew off my desk and smashed into a few pieces. When I stated to Rachel on the phone that the Terminator was dead, she replied, "No, that's not true. Many people have lost limbs, but they're still alive." Words of wisdom to live by, ladies and gentlemen. She tried to tell me that I was guilty of murder. Then, I told her that it was manslaughter, if you want to be technical. Then, she said, "Well, actually it's involuntary manslaughter." She thinks she knows everything just because she's going to be a forensic pathologist. Geeze. I had to use spell check on that one.

I've been thinking lately of my poodle back home, BB. She's about fifteen years old, and she doesn't move very much. A long time ago, I thought about getting her stuffed. But, as we all know, a process like that costs thousands of dollars. But, I did come across a website called petpreservations.com, which specializes in FREEZE DRYING your dead animals and keeping them alive in your hearts forever. I e-mailed the webmaster of the site.

----- Original Message -----
From: jesse@judyhoof.com
To: webhosting-userform@petpreservations.com
Sent: Wednesday, October 06, 2004 9:05 PM
Subject: Killing My Dog

Hi, my name is Jesse and my dog doesn't move very much. So, I figured that we should keep her that way forever. How much does your freeze drying process cost? She's a 22 pound poodle. And we want to keep her alive in our hearts forever.

----- Reply Message -----
From: webhosting-userform@petpreservations.com
To: jesse@judyhoof.com
Sent: Wednesday, October 08, 2004 7:32 PM
Subject: Saving Your Animal

The cost, including return shipping, is $791.00. The entire process takes 4-6 weeks. If you have any other questions, feel free to call. My name is Rich, 602-230-4268. Thanks for your inquiry.

So, I'm thinking that the cost is a little more than BB's worth. Who knows, maybe we'll never have to freeze dry her. Maybe she'll do it herself. She is a very talented animal.

For those true Matrix fans out there, prepare yourself for THE ULTIMATE MATRIX COLLECTION. The collection will be available on December 7, and it costs $59.98. I wanted to cry, no kidding, when I saw this preview.

I've never understood people who complain about all the stupid people in the world and also complain about homosexual relationships? This argument is one big contradiction. First, I'd definite a lack of understanding as lower intelligence, i.e., the people that say there are too many stupid people in the world are usually stupid themselves. Second, aren't homosexual relationships a form of birth control? I think these kind of relationships are a great idea -- this will directly result in less stupid people! "More fashion, less children. I'm Johnny Kerry, and I approve of this fabulous message!"

The real news of today is indeed very tragic, which is why I felt I had to save it for last. It's actually a day or two old, but here goes: Actor Christopher Reeve, renown for his seventies and eighties movie series Superman, has died. He was fifty two, and I'm not joking. He allegedly died from cardiac arrest, but some believe he may have fell over. If you'd like more information on this event, you can visit MSNBC's website. Thanks to Paisley for this information.

In a recent article on Greg's Movie Previews site, a movie will be made based on the life of Christopher Reeve entitled, "Still Me" with Christopher Walken playing Reeves. This movie is not an autobiography of Christopher Reeve, however. Director Christopher Nolan (Memento, Insomnia) stated, "The movie's premise may be hard for some people to understand. It's not about Reeves, it's about Reeves in a life he didn't have, and the person he would have become. It'll be interesting to see how the audience reacts to such a project."

After actor Christopher Reeve's death, it was discovered that he was indeed Superman -- not Clark Kent.

Christopher Walken (above) will be playing Christopher Reeve in the new movie, "Still Me."

Now able to dance, Clark Walker (Christopher Walken, above) enters the Chicago Crystal Ball Dance Competition.

Also on Greg's Movie previews site was a link to the movie's storyline:

Due to a horrible horse riding accident (Christopher Walken) Clark Walker can't move from the neck down. When he sees a beautiful dance teacher (Jennifer Lopez) through a window, he wishes he could take lessons from her. The only problem is that he can't dance. He can't walk. The only thing about him is his superior determination skills. The next morning when he wakes up, something's changed. Not only can he walk, but he can dance. He attends the dance teacher's lesson, and astounds her.

As the joy of dancing enters his life, he discovers that it might just be the secret to saving his troubled marriage. But he can't find his wife at home. In fact, he can't find anyone he knows from when he couldn't walk. And more importantly, his newfound walking ability may be deteriorating. As the actor's skill as a dancer improves, he eventually signs up for the Chicago Crystal Ball Dance Competition. Will he be able to find his wife and win the dance competition all before his superpower of walking cripples him back to a chair made of wheels?"²

¹Note for my close friends: It's better to just not plan on getting this for me for Christmas unless you really want to -- but please talk to me before hand.

²By the way, I really hope you didn't believe any of the last few paragraphs about the movie. If you did, you are a horrible soul who would probably watch a movie like that. Sick. Sick. Sick. I like it.

Especially in Palm Coast

Well, I wanted to write a fun journal entry sometime this weekend, but the truth is that I have so much homework to do and I don't really have any time. But, instead, I did write something moderately amusing that people from my hometown of Palm Coast will understand.

You see, Palm Coast is the type of town that, when the school is on lockdown because of September 11th, people say, "Yeah, I'm sure the terrorists are coming here next. First, New York, then Palm Coast, FL!" Needless to say, nothing happens in Palm Coast (well, there was that one time we found a dead body in our Wal-Mart parking lot...but, that doesn't count. She had been dead before she crossed into the Florida border).

Here is an e-mail forward that I received from my mom. When I read it, I thought it was overly-paranoid and hilarious! But, there was one thing missing. Has anyone ever told you to read a fortune cookie out loud and say, at the end, "...in bed"? Like, if your fortune cookie says, "You will experience great success..." you're supposed to add, "...in bed" to make the hilarious fortune of "You will experience great success in bed." Well, I took that idea and ran with it.

My aunt FWD this at first I yeah yeah yeahed it, but then I read it and felt like I should send it out. Hope all is going well. Guys educate/remind women/daughters/granddaughters and also the men/sons/grandsons in your life.

SELF-DEFENSE TIPS AND TRICKS:
Because of the recent abduction of Dru, from Grand Forks parking lot in daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation...This is for you, and for you to share with your wife, your children, everyone you know, especially in Palm Coast.

Please take the time to read this. I know you are smart enough to know these pointers but there will be some, where you will go "hmm I must remember that, especially in Palm Coast.”

After reading this, forward it to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful, especially in Palm Coast.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do, especially in Palm Coast!

2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans: If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you...chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION, ESPECIALLY IN PALM COAST!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives, especially in Palm Coast.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DO NOT DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK! THE DOORS AND LEAVE, ESPECIALLY IN PALM COAST.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:

A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat.

B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead, especially in Palm Coast.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot, especially in Palm Coast).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, ESPECIALLY IN PALM COAST!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP. It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well-educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim. You could be the next victim for someone like Bundy, especially in Palm Coast.

9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her "Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, “We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night, especially in Palm Coast.

Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door for a crying baby. This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because the Crying Baby theory was mentioned on America's Most Wanted this past Saturday when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana. I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well. Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better to be safe than sorry, especially in Palm Coast.

Reflections

I really didn't feel like getting up this morning, but I knew that I could afford to miss another wonderful college algebra class again. So, I got out of bed, picked out my wet clothes from my assortment of just-washed clothes, grabbed my basket of shower gear, and headed into The Darkness of the bathroom (I believe in a thing called light).

After I got out of the shower (in fact, until the bathroom light is fixed, I will henceforth refer to the bathroom or the shower as The Darkness), I felt refreshed and ready to go. It was 7:57 AM, class was in thirty minutes, and I felt like today was going to be a good day (despite the fact that none of my clothes had dried completely even though they were in the dryer for a full cycle).

Rachel was supposed to call me and wake me up that morning. That's because she's my Wake-Up Call. A Wake-Up Call is when someone calls and tells you that you cannot sleep anymore because you have to get up. Unfortunately, it wasn't I who needed a Wake-Up Call this morning -- it was, in fact, Rachel, who, incidentally, had stayed up to all hours of the morning writing her paper for English and forgot to set her alarm. I think Rachel and I need to hire someone else to call both of us.

Kurtis was already gone because he has a 7:30 AM class on Friday. That means that I can't really talk to anyone in my room when I get up, unless Kurtis has slept in past his class (which would mean that Rachel didn't call him either).

I tied my ankle-high boots, threw away some trash on my desk, grabbed the things that I needed, and left for class.

Math was extremely boring today. We're going over functions. If I put 5 into the function f(x)=5+x, then what do I get? Well, I simply substitute x with 5, therefore: f(x)5+(5), which would equal 10. I feel like Einstein when I explain simple mathematics.

I got back from math class to be greeted by my good friend Rachel who needed some help with her English paper. I proofread and helped out with a few ideas, and sent it back to her school e-mail account. Then I check my e-mail and noticed that I received a huge e-mail from Judy about all the upcoming plans from now until December 1, 2004. The next upcoming event is high school homecomings!

Jill and my friend Jamie (I say "my friend" Jamie simply because he says it unnecessarily when he refers to anyone not going to Flagler-Palm Coast High School, i.e., "My friend Deena." Jill's my friend, too) will be traveling to Clermont today to prepare for a Homecoming that they're attending with Seussical friends Nick Shennington-Gunn and Jessie Reid (let's get some spelling checks on those names, theenks). Judy recently informed me that she would have to take some homecoming photographs at the hotel they'd be staying at in Clermont (it's a two hour drive, so they got a hotel to make everything a lot easier). I was appalled by the fact that Judy wasn't observing proper...

Homecoming/Prom Photography Etiquette

1. You have to go to someone’s house and take the pictures. Make sure you’re in front of some beautiful tree, flower bed, or shrub.
2. Make sure you have at least twelve parents present. It doesn't matter if you only have four kids. Invite parents of kids that aren't even going. This will make the experience feel more like a traditional homecoming/prom despite the fact that your children do not have many friends.
3. Line up your kids, take out ten or so cameras, and have two moms run down the line of kids to adjust their ties, corsages, hair, etc. Make sure at least one camera is on a tripod. There always seems to be a "professional" parent in the crowd. However, no more than two cameras are permitted on a tripod at any given time.
4. When you begin taking pictures, begin to randomly scream things like, “Okay, look over here,” and “This way!” while simultaneously taking as many pictures as you can. IMPORTANT: NO MORE THAN THREE KIDS CAN BE LOOKING AT A SINGLE CAMERA AT A TIME. Remember, you have ten cameras. Make it as confusing as possible for them! Keep in mind that you will want to try get shots with their eyes closed, with random facial expressions, and especially shots where they're trying to fix their appearance.
5. After you’ve done all the group shots, you then have to then try the "combination" shots. This is the part when you do the All Girls and All Boys shot, and multiple variations. The trick is to make this process horrifyingly boring. Try the Boy Girl, Boy Girl shot, or the Parents and Child shot. Be creative!
6. Plan for one or more of the parents to say, "Oh, just one more!" at least four to five times.
   

These two pictures are perfect examples of Homecoming/Prom Photography Etiquette. In the girl's picture (remember, you must take boys and girls pictures), you can clearly see that almost everyone is looking at the same camera. THIS IS NOT GOOD. In the boys picture, they are clearly confused, looking every which way, and even some people have their eyes closed/in weird positions. THIS IS PERFECT. More pictures of Jessica's 10th Grade Homecoming can be found on her website (I Googled her, and I do not know her, so please don't ask me for her phone number).


I don't think I'm missing anything. However, if you think I am, feel free to suggest some official Homecoming/Prom Photography Etiquette by contacting me.

Vegans.

After checking my e-mail, I headed to English class eager to present my letter to the editor to class. It was an actual assignment, kids. I didn't just feel like writing it. Anyway, I threw some trash away, grabbed the things I needed, and headed off, again, for class. This time, however, I was happier to leave for class because REFLECTIONS would be open and playing 107.7 on the radio. I just hoped that I wouldn't be walking buy when radio DJs were talking. That always made my day 15% worse. Since every day starts out at 50%, I was now down to a measly 35%.

To much regret, walking by REFLECTIONS made my day 15% worse. I happily strolled by on the way to English and there she was -- talking on REFLECTIONS-RADIO instead of playing music...that one lady always babbling about the traffic reports...Leslie Gale...or something like that. And they always play that crazy music in the background while she's talking. Hey, if you listen to that station long enough, you'll hear it, too. I promise.

This fun logo was found on a vegan website. I think it's funny.

I read my letter to the editor in class today. Most thought that it was pretty good. The teacher liked it, also. As I said before, the assignment was to listen to a speaker and then write a letter to the editor based on their speech. You can see more detailed information inside the actual letter, which was posted as yesterday's entry. We had a brief discussion on animal rights and how the PETA people are indeed crazy. In fact, I leaned over and asked the kid sitting next to me how he felt about PETA.

Witty99: Yeah, I don't think they knew what they were talking about.
Me_Me_Me: I have to agree, I think they're completely stupid. I got so mad after I heard them yesterday, I had to leave here at get some meat to eat.
Witty99: I hear ya, I did the same thing.
Me_Me_Me: They really made me mad! I wanted to stab that one guy when he was talking.
Witty99: What, with a compass?

The guy thought he was being funny, I guess. Jerk. Yeah, with a compass. He was the guy who edited my first paper for peer reviews -- that's how he knew about the compass. Anyway, it actually was pretty funny, and he's not a jerk. I take it back.

For those of you who are interested, the above IM is the new format of conversation that I will have with people -- whether they were online or not. This is cyberspace, people, we have to play by Their rules. For the computer geeks out there, I coded that IM in HTML using interactive frames. Not too shabby, eh?

There are two types of people in the world: those who do, and those who say they're people who do but they're too lazy or they don't care. The simple truth is: if you don't do, you're not lazy, you're just incapable of doing. Get real, people, and actual do the work required instead of giving excuses about how you're smart but you "just didn't feel like it."

Walking back from English was boring and stupid until I got to REFLECTIONS. However, my day averaged back to only 50% when I heard the song playing on REFLECTIONS-RADIO. The percentage only leveled (and didn't go up higher than 50%) because I didn't know what the song was.

So, I came back to my dorm and worked on some computer-related materials. I'm hoping to get my DVD-+RW back so I can burn some TWO KNOW copies for all my friends (and, not to mention my portfolio requirements for film schools). As soon as I get my DVD burner working, the link will go up on judyhoof.com for ordering information.

My cell phone vibrated and said that I have a meeting with my first-year advisor at 1:30 PM. It was 1:20 PM, so I walked out of my dorm and ventured into the unknown to talk about scheduling for next term with my first-year advisor -- Rex Roberts (yes, the name is real). On the way to see him, a bike gang stopped me and started yelling things. I'm not sure if you know them, but the gang consisted of Flagler-Palm Coast High School alumni Mark Russell and Mike Leby. I was not scared. I handled the situation like anyone else would. We talked for awhile about the life and times of college. I don't even think they know about my journal. Laura Negron came up behind me and scared the crap out of me with some grabbing/screaming combo that took my bed sheets for a spin on the music charts. Speaking of which, I'm going to invest in some BILLBOARD advertisements on I-95 and I-4 for my Journal. I think it's a reasonable investment.

I invested in the Yahoo! LAUNCHcast Plus radio. I enjoy it. I can listen to all types of radio stations and skip as many songs as I want. Then, if I like the song, I'll download it using one of my peer to peer network utilities. However, I only download uncopyrighted music -- just like everyone else...right? It was only $3.99 for a month. I think it's worth it.

During my meeting with Rex, I planned out my possible schedule for next term:

1. History of Motion Picture
2. Composition II
3. World History
4. Computer Science
5. Human Species
6. Astronomy
   

It took me awhile to type that because Rex has the handwriting of a doctor. So, basically I can take any four or five of those courses. I'm probably going to take five. I don't want to get behind in my credits, and speaking of which, I discovered an interesting aspect of college -- you don't have to be a sophomore in your second year. In fact, a lot of people aren't. You just have to get all your credit hours done by whatever time limit you specify for yourself. Obviously, the better the sooner because of money and time. I was worried that I'd, like, fail if I didn't have enough credits or something. I'm so not a college student yet.

This new Malt-O-Meal cereal, "Marshmallow Mateys," spawns the era of boxed $1 cereals. Be sure to keep a watch at stores for boxed "Coco Roos!" Betcha can't taste the difference! ; )

I came back and hung around the dorm on the computer for a while longer until I finally decided to spend some money at Target. I needed some groceries and other miscellaneous items. So, off I went. But, who knew where I'd end up. Barnes & Nobel, BestBuy, some random pizza place, Old Navy -- THE MOVIE THEATER??? The possibilities were endless. I also knew I had to do my online math homework due Saturday and some studying for my second psychology exam on Tuesday. Geeze.

So, I threw some trash on my floor, didn't take anything with me, and headed out.

Me being the responsible student that I am, I worked on two math problems and then went shopping for a few items. I need to build up a shirt repertoire, I know, so I bought a new shirt (which I'm wearing tomorrow when I see Judy) that says something not funny at all, but it's funny because I'm wearing it. I think it's awesome.

After Old Navy, I decided to get my haircut. It's been awhile since I got a haircut, and I knew that if I got it cut, I'd have a much easier time styling it in the morning (which, incidentally, I have not had the time to do in awhile). I didn't really search around for the best "hair salons." Instead, I just went to ULTA, an all-in-one beautician supplier, salon, and well, it does everything appearance related. You know, make-up, hair, scents, etc. My good UCF friend Kim Blythe called and asked if I wanted to join her amazing boyfriend Kyle Farris and her for cup of java at this cute little boutique on 42nd street (if you actually believed that, you need some counseling). I told them that I had a hair appointment at 6:30, and that I would meet them for pizza at 7:00.

What you see above is a towel that's hanging on Kurt Douglas's side of the sink. This picture is in no way edited (with the exception of the enlargement), and yes, that is his name embroidered on the towel.

So, I met Lori, who styled my hair at 6:32 PM and did a great job. I didn't get it cut real short, actually -- no real length cut at all. I got it razor cut and thinned down, which basically makes it easier to style. I also got a little (and I do mean little) jar of Bed Head Manipulator. That stuff is crazy, but it works great!

Kyle, Kim, and I had a wonderful dinner-time pizza. We chatted about everything from the Presidential Debate to Professor Negy to how our waiter may have died in the back because where's my refill, jerk?

Afterwards, I went shopping at Tarjaiè, the local French grocer. I bought all the necessities of life, and then went home to implement them in my life. I purchased such things as:

1. Desk drawer organizers
2. Pepsi on sale

That's all I can remember, but there are about seven or so bags.

Well, I unpacked and organized every single item in those bags. Then, I knew that I had to do my math homework and study for psychology. So, the night ended in a lull with me cleaning and doing homework.