Especially in Palm Coast

Well, I wanted to write a fun journal entry sometime this weekend, but the truth is that I have so much homework to do and I don't really have any time. But, instead, I did write something moderately amusing that people from my hometown of Palm Coast will understand.

You see, Palm Coast is the type of town that, when the school is on lockdown because of September 11th, people say, "Yeah, I'm sure the terrorists are coming here next. First, New York, then Palm Coast, FL!" Needless to say, nothing happens in Palm Coast (well, there was that one time we found a dead body in our Wal-Mart parking lot...but, that doesn't count. She had been dead before she crossed into the Florida border).

Here is an e-mail forward that I received from my mom. When I read it, I thought it was overly-paranoid and hilarious! But, there was one thing missing. Has anyone ever told you to read a fortune cookie out loud and say, at the end, "...in bed"? Like, if your fortune cookie says, "You will experience great success..." you're supposed to add, "...in bed" to make the hilarious fortune of "You will experience great success in bed." Well, I took that idea and ran with it.

My aunt FWD this at first I yeah yeah yeahed it, but then I read it and felt like I should send it out. Hope all is going well. Guys educate/remind women/daughters/granddaughters and also the men/sons/grandsons in your life.

SELF-DEFENSE TIPS AND TRICKS:
Because of the recent abduction of Dru, from Grand Forks parking lot in daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation...This is for you, and for you to share with your wife, your children, everyone you know, especially in Palm Coast.

Please take the time to read this. I know you are smart enough to know these pointers but there will be some, where you will go "hmm I must remember that, especially in Palm Coast.”

After reading this, forward it to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful, especially in Palm Coast.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do, especially in Palm Coast!

2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans: If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you...chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION, ESPECIALLY IN PALM COAST!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives, especially in Palm Coast.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DO NOT DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK! THE DOORS AND LEAVE, ESPECIALLY IN PALM COAST.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:

A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat.

B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead, especially in Palm Coast.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot, especially in Palm Coast).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, ESPECIALLY IN PALM COAST!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP. It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well-educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim. You could be the next victim for someone like Bundy, especially in Palm Coast.

9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her "Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, “We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night, especially in Palm Coast.

Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door for a crying baby. This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because the Crying Baby theory was mentioned on America's Most Wanted this past Saturday when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana. I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well. Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better to be safe than sorry, especially in Palm Coast.