The Daddy's

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Last night I ordered a pizza from Big Daddy's Pizza. Just so you'll get the feel for this place, you need to listen to the introduction every time you call. To listen to the recording, click on the person below:

The person above was found on Google Image Search. I have no idea who the person is, and if I did, I would not be their friend. If, for some reason, the above person visits this page, do not contact me. I will not be your friend. Click on the above picture to listen to the sound clip, or click here. If you have problems, try right clicking and select, "Save As..."

The first thing you have to think of is, "What the hell is that music in the background?" I admit, I added the music. However, that's besides the point. The real question you should be asking yourself is who the man on the phone is. Is it Big Daddy? If so, could you ever imagine having a friend with that voice? Nope.

"HEY, EVERYONNNNEEE, SORRY I WAS LATE...HOLD ON...I'LL BERRIGHT WITH YOU!"

Now that you have an idea of how crazy this place is, I have to admit that they have awesome pizza for very cheap, which is the reason I order from them. So, last night, I was hungry and decided that "Big Daddy's Pizza" (a phrase that would have made me giggle in sixth grade) would be the place I'd order a large pizza and 2 liter of Pepsi (Coke sucks).

The man on the phone (this wasn't Big Daddy) told me that it'd take about 1.5 - 2 hours for the pizza to be delivered. The sound in his trembling voice hinted to me that I might want to come in and pick up my pizza. If I wanted to go out, I would have walked to Wendy's. There would be no going out for me tonight, I thought. So, I gave him my phone number and asked for the delivery option, forgetting to mention that I could only pay with credit.

The driver showed up about 1.25 hours after the order was placed, so I was happy that he was early. I felt good, but realized that I didn't have cash to pay him with. It wasn't entirely my fault, however. The man on the phone (not Big Daddy) usually asks me what payment type I want. When I asked the driver to walk with me to the ATM, he freaked out. Not sure if he thought it was some kind of scam, or whether I was a gay trying to gay him up. Even a gay wouldn't have sexed this man:

What's Your Gender?

I mean, is that a woman, a man, or, I mean, what the heck is that? No one would have sexed that, let alone a gay man. I have to admit, though, that the driver looked nothing like that.

So, the driver suggested that I call Big Daddy's back and tell them the situation, and tell them that this is ticket number 91. I did. The conversation when exactly like this:

• "Hello, I need to change payment type on ticket number 91."
• "WHAT? HA HA HA!"
• "...I need to change payment type on ticket 91 from cash to debit."
• "HA HA! Is this a prank call?"
• "No, I'm serious. I ordered a pizza, and I don't have cash, so I need to pay with debit."
• "Oh."
  

All I wanted was my Pepsi. Look at those ice cubes. They're so cute. Ice cubes die, though.

I'm not sure if he was on drugs or not, but it really seemed like it. So, I changed the payment type without further problems. I was impressed that the pizza arrived early, and that it wasn't a problem to change payment type. So, I gave the nice driver a $3 tip on a $7.41 bill, which is pretty fancy if you ask me ~ 40%. But, I was feeling good about my pizza and my 2 liter of...

WAIT! He forgot my Pepsi!

I ran out the door after him and caught him just as he was walking down the stairs. Thank goodness. The last thing I wanted to do was drive after him. I told him that I also had a Pepsi, and he said, quote, "Oh, yeah, let me run down and get it -- I'll bring it right back to you." "Theenks," I said back to him. I went into my room and waited...

...and waited....

Adam Sandler was in the film Big Daddy, and I think they had pizza in that movie. I hope the name of this pizza place wasn't named after this movie.

If Christopher Reeve was Big Daddy, he could have flown my pizza to me.

After about twenty minutes pass by, I realize that my Pepsi isn't coming. I figured that he had other dorm pizzas to deliver; however, his car had vanished from the location where it recently resided. I called Big Daddy's pizza three times in the next fifteen minutes -- the first to times I was subject to horrible waiting music and no answer. The third time I called, it was busy.

Of course, anyone who knows me knows that I'm not fun to deal with when I'm angry.

I drove to Big Daddy's.

Mad.

Angry.

Ready to kill.

I arrived and immediately noticed the driver cleaning in the back (he could have been cleaning, he could have been having self-sex, I'm not really sure).

I knocked on the locked door and the manager walks over, unlocks the door, and the following conversation takes place:

• "Hello, can I help you?"
• "Yes, do you know why I'm here?"
• "Uhh, no, what do you need?"
• "Well, you obviously don't have very good communication with your drivers."
• "Excuse me?"
• "I'm here to get my 2 liter of Pepsi that I ordered, but never received. The driver -- him (and I pointed to the ugly man in the back) forgot it and told me he was going to 'bring it right up.' By that I didn't think he meant 'bring it right up to UCF after I got back to Big Daddy's and have self-sex'."

I did not say that last part.

• "Oh, sorry about that."
  

This is the actual logo for Big Daddy's Pizza. Apparently Agent Smith is the real Big Daddy.

So, in the end, I asked the manager to take off the $3 tip that I gave the driver, and he said he couldn't do it. So, I said that if he couldn't do it, I'd file a complaint with SunTrust and argue charges against Big Daddy's so I wouldn't have to pay anything. He said that I have to do whatever I have to do. So, I took my 2 liter and left and immediately called SunTrust and explained everything. The woman on the phone felt so bad for me, and confirmed that I could file a paper saying that I was denied a refund.

But, being the nice person that I am, I called Big Daddy's one more time today to discuss the situation.

It turned out okay because I now have two free pizzas on my account. But, after those two free pizzas are gone I will never order from Big Daddy's again, and I will not tip the drivers when they deliver the pizzas.

Also, I found out that Big Daddy's Pizza has their own web-site: bigdaddyspizza.com/ -- great site design, guys. Idiots.

Apples

---

Matthew MacTiger

Ever since I updated the design for the site, there have been random script pages that don't load entirely "correctly." There are broken links, weird backgrounds, and other old designs that don't quite look good. I've gradually been trying to phase out the old design and implement the new design on all the pages. I just recently updated the very popular "Death of the Abyss" SCRIPT ADDITION. Most people will remember this wonderful addition as the my first children's book. It's a wonderful little story, and recommended to all.

I'm in a play and everyone should come see me. All the shows are at Seaside Music Theater Downtown on Beach Street. The schedule is as follows:

• April 28: 8pm
• April 29: 8pm
• April 30: 2pm & 8pm
• April 31: 2pm

So, you want to know what the story is about, eh? Well, one web-site (I guess now two web-sites, seeing how it's going to be on mine, now) said this:

While on a cross-country lecture tour, Sheridan Whiteside, international orator, accepts an invitation to dine with the Stanleys, a prominent Ohio family. The Stanleys meet Whiteside and Maggie Cutler, his irreplaceable and tolerant secretary, at the train station and drive them to their home. While Mrs. Stanley coos over Whiteside, he showers her with condescending sarcasm. However, as he's walking toward the house he slips on the ice, hurting his leg badly. As he's carried inside, he threatens a lawsuit. The Stanleys, frightened by the threats, accommodate Whiteside's outlandish wishes, throwing the household into pandemonium.

Above, Matthew Reeve, star of The Man Who Wheeled to Dinner, stands with his wife, Judy Reeve.

That's pretty accurate. The show is going to be hilarious not only because it's a comedy, but because Matthew MacDermid stars, and Judy Vanderoef is his nurse -- yes, Judy Vanderoef is actually in the show -- and there is a hilarious scene with Judy and myself. If you don't miss one show in your entire life, make it this one.

In movie news, M. Night Shamalagaga's new movie is called The Lady in the Water. The movie focuses on a superintendent of an apartment and his discovery of a "sea nymph" living in the building's swimming pool.

I think we all guess this as Shamalgegugu's next film. Good luck with that one, Shammy.

Of course, Spider-Man 3 is due out very soon: May 4, 2007. I'll be about 70 years old by then. Potential villains for this movie are Venom (my personal pick) and Sandman (what?).

Die Hard 4.0 is in development. I will not see this movie.

Casino Royale is the next James Bond movie; however, Pierce Brosnan will not be playing Bond. The top candidate for the Bond replacement right now is Clive Owen, star of Closer and Sin City. I'm not sure about this since I LOVE Brosnan, but maybe it'll work. It's all in how he plays it.

Could Clive Owen play the next James Bond? Who would you choose? Colin Farrell? Hugh Jackman? Those were the other candidates.

As many of you know, it's Florida State Thespian week. That means that all the high-ranking district pieces will advance to the state level this week. There will be workshops, interesting speakers, acting activities, important information, and amazing performances to watch -- none of which troupe 5023 will be a part of (however, they may perform amazingly =).

I ordered Natasha Bedingfield's CD single of "I Bruise Easily," and it should be arriving in a few days. The CD contains a recording of "Ain't Nobody," performed by Daniel and Natasha Bedingfield. I'm not sure if the recording is a professional live recording or a studio recording, but either way I'm sure it'll be awesome.

I know I've mentioned this on THE VILLAGE, but I have to urge everyone to download both Picasa 2 and Hello -- two amazing programs from Google. The programs are designed to organize and share any of your pictures on your hard drive. The programs are quite amazing.

If you're looking for a GMAIL account, Google's free e-mail program, contact me. Trust me, no matter what e-mail service you have now, GMAIL is better.

Yes. Creepy.

So, I'm tired of talking about moves and instead will talk about apples. I went to Stetson the other night to visit my friends Afro Queen and Vanessa. When I met them outside of the cafeteria, I was approached by a scary looking man with an apple. He handed the apple to me, walked away, and filmed the entire event.

Freak.

I'm not sure what the heck he was doing, but I'm sure he'll rest easy knowing that I accepted the apple (however, instead of eating it, I put it on the fruit tray in the cafeteria -- I've seen Show White).

And I'm done.