Thanks for calling

I love answering the phone. Just not when there are people on the other end.

I hate it when people wander back to my secluded cubicle and say this exact phrase:

Man, I wish I had your job. Answering phones all day. Man.

What they don't understand, man, is that answering phones isn't really the best job. Often times phone customers are the most complicated customers of them all.

Why? Because people that use the phone are stupid. Mostly. At least people who use the phone to ask questions like, "What do you have on sell?" Umm. "Everything. We sell everything." Do they really want me to just list off every television we have on sale.

"Yeah, that would be great."

Help me.

Customers that call in clearly have some sort of slowed/completely awkward-as-hell brain function:

• Me: Thanks for calling Best Buy, my name is Jesse, how can I help you today?
• Customer: Yeah, Jeffery, I’m looking for a product. Can you check to see if it’s in stock?
• Me: Yes sir. What’s the item?
• Customer: Yeahhh, the Intel Duo 2 Core.
• Me: ....
• Customer: Laptop.
• Me: Do you have the model number or the SKU number for the item?
• Customer: No.
• Me: Well, actually, many of the laptops that we carry have the Intel Core 2 Duo processor. Unless you have the specific model number for the computer, I won’t know which specific computer you’re looking for.
• Customer: Well, I’m just looking at the advertisement for this week’s sales. Here it says, Compaq Intel Duo. That’s the model.
• Me: Well, actually, that’s the processor. Not the model. Is it the one for $399?
• Customer: Yeah, that’s it. That’s the one I want.
• Me: We’re sold out.
• Customer: You’re telling me you don’t have it?
• Me: Yes. We're sold out.
• Customer: So how come you put out an advertisement for a product that you don’t even have. That’s ridiculous.
• Me: Well, actually, the weekly sales advertisement comes out on Sundays. We did have the product in stock yesterday. And we sold them all yesterday.
• Customer: So you’re advertising a product that you don’t even have. That’s ridiculous.
• Me: ...I can check the other stores in the area if you want, sir.
• Customer: CIRCUIT CITY DOESN’T DO THIS.

[CLICK]

I wish there was a way I could instantly call people back so I could have the last word.

• Me: Yes they do.

[CLICK]

I don't think selling out of products is a Best-Buy-specific store policy. Though I can only speak for the company that I work for. I wouldn't want to slander the Circuit City name, spreading rumors that they, too, sell out of products.

And if you have the weekly advertisement in front of you, the model number and SKU number are printed right next to the product.

• Me: Thanks for calling Best Buy, my name is Jesse, how can I help you today?
• Customer: Jeff?
• Me: Jesse.
• Customer: Jesse. Oh, Jesse. Hi. I'm calling in to ask you a question.
• Me: Alrighty. What's your question?
• Customer: Do you have MP3 gift cards?
• Me: Yes ma'am. We have them for iTunes. What service are you using?
• Customer: Excuse me? I'm not using a service.
• Me: Well, you have to be using a service, like iTunes or Napster, in order to purchase a gift card for that specific service. If you're talking about generic or universal MP3 download giftcards, something like that doesn't exist.
• Customer: What?
• Me: You have to know what service you're using.
• Customer: I told you. I'm not using a service. All I want to know is if you have the gift cards there for MP3 downloads.
• Me: For iTunes, yes.
• Customer: Well, why didn't you just say that in the first place?
• Me: I did.
• Customer: WELL, YOU HAVE NOT BEEN VERY HELPFUL.

[CLICK]

And it's only a matter of time before someone else comes roaming back here to tell me that I have their dream job.

And I wish they wouldn't.

And Jesse sounds nothing like Jeffery.