CSI_Kurtis

What do Kristen Vanderoef and Kurtis Vandestreek have in common besides similar names and corresponding initials?

It was only last Friday when Kristen Vanderoef, Niki Tilton, and Noah Marks came over to visit me. Little did I know that CSI_Kurtis would be on the lookout.

They spent the night on Friday and left on Saturday. Due to xxJohnxx's obsession with sleeping in the Common Room, there was nowhere for my guests to sleep. Now, it's true that you have to have clearance from you other roommates in order to house guests -- but all during the first semester, the three of them had many, many guests over without even talking to me about it.

So, I figured that if I had a few friends over, there wouldn't be any problem.

Just today, Kurtis started talking to me. As I'm sure most of you already know, Kurtis set up a privacy screen in the room.

This is indeed the privacy screen recently implemented by Vandestreek Technologies, Inc.

Therefore, I couldn't tell if he was really there, or if he was a spirit speaking from the beyond...possibly communicating through the talents of Johnathan Edwards. So, of course I respond to him.

CSI_Kurtis: Yeah, Jesse?
Me_Me_Me is shocked that CSI_Kurtis is contacting him.
Me_Me_Me: Wa..yeah, yeah?
CSI_Kurtis: Yeah, you said that you had some friends come over.
Me_Me_Me: Yes, this past Friday.
CSI_Kurtis: Did anyone sleep in my bed?

To be quite honest, I didn't know what he was talking about.*

Me_Me_Me: Um, I'm not sure. I don't think so...
CSI_Kurtis: Yeah, 'cause I just found some chick's hair in my bed.
Me_Me_Me is idle.
Me_Me_Me has returned.
Me_Me_Me: Wow, I didn't know about that.
CSI_Kurtis: Yeah.
Me_Me_Me: Yeah, I definitely went to bed before my guests, and woke up after them, so don't really know. I would have told you if I knew about it.
CSI_Kurtis has signed offline.

I was actually waiting for him to continue talking, but he had indeed left the room. This, I didn't know because of...

I left shortly after he left because I needed to mail a few things at the Post Office. When I returned, there was a message on my computer desk.

Don't ask me what the Aztec symbol is in the bottom left. I don't practice the black arts.

So, of course there was a bigger problem than the privacy screen now. I had to step up the game, and write him a letter back.

My objective isn’t to start an argument, Kurtis. I was not talking about the bed when I said, “You can sleep there, I’ll fix it before he gets back.” I was talking about the refrigerator and the privacy screen that you set up. I told her that it’d probably be better that she sleep on the floor, and that I could take the egg shell foam off my bed instead of her sleeping on the hard carpet. The egg shells wouldn’t fit just near the sink, so I moved your refrigerator and the privacy screen into your side of the room more. I went to sleep before she did, and woke up after she did. If she slept in your bed, I did not know about it.

Sorry if this is a problem.

- Jesse

By the way, I'm a big fan of the television show 24. While watching season 3 on DVD, I noticed a familiar face on the show...



For those who recognize Kurtis, my roommate, on the television show 24, good for you. If you'd like to meet this famous actor, Kurtis, and my roommate, Kurtis (the same person), meetings can be arranged though UCF's Housing and Residents Life!

"Oh my God, he totally hates me! What if he kills me and pulls my hair out?" - Kristen Vanderoef

"I love his improper spelling of suitemate!" - Matthew MacDermid

"I'm going to send you a bunch of my hair in an envelope and I want you to sprinkle it all over his bed. See if he notices it then." - Amanda Westerhouse

"Wow." - Rachel Kindergan

"So, I assume you guys will be moving in together after college." - David Pandich

"Donkey's ass!" - Judy Vanderoef

Just five minutes ago, Kurtis walked in and reacted to the letter. I know you're all wondering what he did. I was extremely surprised myself when...

...he handed me back the letter while he was on the phone, and walked away. I don't even think he read the entire thing. I'm a little concerned, given the fact that I've been nothing but nice to him the entire first semester. Granted, I talk about him and the EVIL on this web-site constantly, but this is my personal site. I should put a disclaimer on the front page.

Oh well. Some people just can't get along. Thanks a lot, Judy:

*Update: June 30, 2008: I actually did know that Kristen slept in Kurtis's bed. I lied completely. Shortly after this blog post went up, Judy Vanderoef's beautiful picture (above) was printed out by Kurtis and posted on the common room bathroom door. You'll notice that after this post, my frequency of posting about people who may read this blog went down considerably.

Play Your Part

My good friend Jamie Lowe got hold of a game entitled "The Sims 2" for me. Unfortunately, his version didn't work because it was the "DVD" version burned onto "CDs." Someone didn't do their copying work correctly before they tried to distribute that program across the Internet.

So, now desperate to play this wonderful game, I went to Target last night and bought it. With all the wonderful new features in the game, I've managed to create a mini-movie file that I like to call: "The Origin of the Journal ." It's the short story of how this web-site came into creation (but not really).

The Origins of the Journal

Left Behind: Plate Chronicles

I woke up, looked around, and realized two things: (1) 7:30 AM classes aren't as fun as winning the lottery, and (2) despite the fact that I had just been out of school for a solid month, felt as if I had never left.

When I first walked into my dormitory, ready to take on the world of education with only my brain and some Sour Cream & Onion Pringles, there was an envelope taped to my door. Curious, I opened the envelope to find a welcome back letter inside!



After reading that letter, I knew that life's ceaseless barrage of random events would continue to inspire me to add to the script of my life. I also knew that it all could have ended at that moment -- the letter could have been thrown away, and the misunderstanding could have been totally ignored. Life would have been simple.

However, I didn't leave a plate in the sink. Kurtis and I share a sink -- how did JESSICA know which one of us left the plate behind? Yes, it could have (or should have) been over at that moment, but this stupid letter was really getting to me. So much so, I decided to do some research on how Jessica became such an obsessive compulsive clean freak. So, I decided to call her up and ask her about the plate.

Me_Me_Me: Hi, good morning, can I speak with Jessica, please?
Never_Answer_The_Phone: Oh, sorry, she generally isn't here today.
Me_Me_Me: I'm sorry?
Never_Answer_The_Phone: Mondays.
Me_Me_Me: Okay. So, when is she generally in?
Never_Answer_The_Phone: Tuesdays. Actually, let me check that.
Never_Answer_The_Phone is idle.
Never_Answer_The_Phone: Yeah, she's here on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays.
Me_Me_Me: = \ So, what does that mean? What should I do? I have a letter about a plate.
Never_Answer_The_Phone: ...read the script.
Me_Me_Me: What?
Never_Answer_The_Phone has signed offline.

So, I didn't get to have chat with Jessica on the phone. But, the mysterious person on the other end of the line told me to read a script, and then he hung up. How ironic, I thought to myself. So, I did what any normal person would do.



Using Google, you can click on "Google Search," or "I'm Feeling Lucky." By clicking on "I'm Feeling Lucky," you will automatically open the first page that has those keywords. Naturally, I clicked it. This is the following link that I found: http://www.codecomments.com/archive309-2004-12-333859.html.

Just as I had hoped, there was something near the bottom of the page, waiting for me.



My search had ended -- I had found the script. Now, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you -- Left Behind: Plate Chronicles.







Scared out of her mind, she had nothing left to do but become an obsessive cleaner. I encourage everyone to contact Jessica Blair and check to see if your dishes are clean. Currently, Jessica resides in Orlando, Florida and is now engaged to Mr. Clean, and they plan to have lots of little magic sponges soon. Maybe that's why he looks so happy. Who knows? I always thought he was a gay.

Mr. Clean (pictured above) is a gay.

The Headshots

As some of you know, when I'm not an active Navy Seal Marine, I do some photography on the side. My favorite type of photography is head shots, since I used to be a full-time sniper for the corps. My most recent photographic subjects were the Vanderoef sisters. Here is the unabridged head shot galley. I've taken the liberty of naming each shot. If you are stalking either of these two girls or have a secret crush, please remember to right click and save these pictures. Use them as desktop wallpaper and/or LiVEJOURNAL icons.

Click here for flickr set.

Note: Flickr set of the headshots are not available quite yet. They'll be up as soon as possible.