Left Behind: Plate Chronicles

I woke up, looked around, and realized two things: (1) 7:30 AM classes aren't as fun as winning the lottery, and (2) despite the fact that I had just been out of school for a solid month, felt as if I had never left.

When I first walked into my dormitory, ready to take on the world of education with only my brain and some Sour Cream & Onion Pringles, there was an envelope taped to my door. Curious, I opened the envelope to find a welcome back letter inside!



After reading that letter, I knew that life's ceaseless barrage of random events would continue to inspire me to add to the script of my life. I also knew that it all could have ended at that moment -- the letter could have been thrown away, and the misunderstanding could have been totally ignored. Life would have been simple.

However, I didn't leave a plate in the sink. Kurtis and I share a sink -- how did JESSICA know which one of us left the plate behind? Yes, it could have (or should have) been over at that moment, but this stupid letter was really getting to me. So much so, I decided to do some research on how Jessica became such an obsessive compulsive clean freak. So, I decided to call her up and ask her about the plate.

Me_Me_Me: Hi, good morning, can I speak with Jessica, please?
Never_Answer_The_Phone: Oh, sorry, she generally isn't here today.
Me_Me_Me: I'm sorry?
Never_Answer_The_Phone: Mondays.
Me_Me_Me: Okay. So, when is she generally in?
Never_Answer_The_Phone: Tuesdays. Actually, let me check that.
Never_Answer_The_Phone is idle.
Never_Answer_The_Phone: Yeah, she's here on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays.
Me_Me_Me: = \ So, what does that mean? What should I do? I have a letter about a plate.
Never_Answer_The_Phone: ...read the script.
Me_Me_Me: What?
Never_Answer_The_Phone has signed offline.

So, I didn't get to have chat with Jessica on the phone. But, the mysterious person on the other end of the line told me to read a script, and then he hung up. How ironic, I thought to myself. So, I did what any normal person would do.



Using Google, you can click on "Google Search," or "I'm Feeling Lucky." By clicking on "I'm Feeling Lucky," you will automatically open the first page that has those keywords. Naturally, I clicked it. This is the following link that I found: http://www.codecomments.com/archive309-2004-12-333859.html.

Just as I had hoped, there was something near the bottom of the page, waiting for me.



My search had ended -- I had found the script. Now, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you -- Left Behind: Plate Chronicles.







Scared out of her mind, she had nothing left to do but become an obsessive cleaner. I encourage everyone to contact Jessica Blair and check to see if your dishes are clean. Currently, Jessica resides in Orlando, Florida and is now engaged to Mr. Clean, and they plan to have lots of little magic sponges soon. Maybe that's why he looks so happy. Who knows? I always thought he was a gay.

Mr. Clean (pictured above) is a gay.