judypoof (she's gone)

The RCA CD Clock Radio with AM/FM Digital Tuner and Graduwake Alarm System's most enjoyable feature is the programmable snooze, which blows your arm off with a small, but powerful, explosion.

My new alarm clock is quite amazing. It hasn't failed to wake me up since I've bought it. For awhile, I thought that it might simply be the new alarm tone. You know, after awhile you tend to become accustomed to certain noises, and after awhile you learn to ignore them. Well, this alarm isn't "learnable," so to speak. It starts off real quiet.

Beep beep beep.

Then, after awhile, it gets louder.

BEEP BEEP BEEP.

Then you either choose to wake up or die, because the noise is unbearable. And, as a bonus, if you hit the snooze button, the alarm will explode -- blowing your arm off, much like a Dr. Pepper bottle (read the warning label on the Dr. Pepper bottles and you'll understand). So, it's best to just get up.

Math was extremely boring today. I usually try to get something to eat before I go, but it's so early in the morning that I usually don't have the time. Good thing it goes by fast.

Today was a good day because I wore a shirt that Jamie Lowe gave me for my birthday -- it is, in fact, the live version of the "I [HEART] ATTACKS" shirt, popularized by my essay on expensive clothing. I'm not sure if I've explained to you the crazies that are in front of our main building, the Student Union. They're always out there trying to get you to either kill Bush, stop abortion, kill abortion, or stop Bush -- whatever the case, they're out there always handing out flyers and pamphlets or free drinks at Johnny Mac's Nightclub. Today, on the way to English, a woman spotted me and said, "WOW, I like your shirt. You love heart attacks, eh? Here you go." She then handed me the following flyer:



So, thanks to Jamie and my love of cholesterol over dosage garments, I received a free hamburger today (due to the recent outbreaks of THE FLU, I decided it best to NOT redeem my free burger).

One thing I've noticed about college is that the weeks seem to go by much faster. I think it's mostly because your schedule isn't the same thing every day. Having a lot more to work on and study probably adds to the missing time, whereas I used to just sit around after school if I wasn't hanging out with friends. Schoolwork in high school is everything but serious (everything would be defined as easy, unnecessary, boring, vomit-inducing).

Mrs. Phelan (above), is not pictured (above).

That is, of course, not applicable when you had Ms. Phelan's class (pronounced"FAY-LYNN" -- almost like the word "failing" with no "g" sound). Ms. Phelan was my 10th grade English teacher. Everything you did in that class was weighed four or five times. The joke was, "Failing Phelan." If you don't read the books in that class, you fail. If you don't show up to class, you fail. If you don't do the homework grammar worksheets, you fail. If you're John Kerry, you fail.

Speaking of John Kerry, whatever happened to him? One day he's running for President of the United States, and the next he's gone. No more commercials, no more media, no more bad hair -- just gone. I guess he's had his fifteen minutes of boredom.

I ordered Daniel Bedingfield's second CD from the UK via Amazon.co.uk, and I should be receiving it shortly. You can't order the CD from the US whatsoever, which is highly disappointing. On the upside, Daniel's new single, "Nothing Hurts Like Love," can be heard on his official web-site. His web-site is being redesigned as we speak, and should be up sometime soon.

Rachel goes to school very early in the morning on Mondays, and gets out very late. This past Monday, Rachel stayed late at the library to do some additional research for History class (or so she says). She stayed at the library until around 11:00 PM. When she left, she called me on the phone to say, "hello." On the way to her car, she spots a small piece of paper lying underneath her windshield wiper. This, my friends, is what's called "Double-Irony" (that's actually not a technical term of any sorts, but I thought it was good). Looks like Rachel has obtained her very own Parking Citation. How amazing is that -- she tells me that I need to pay for my parking ticket and not lie to the nice people at Parking Services, and I agree. Then I mysteriously have to pay for that ticket and another "outstanding" ticket for October 13th (both for $20). Then, low and behold, Rachel receives one. I thought that was pretty funny for awhile. However, I didn't think it was very funny when she told me that her ticket was for a measly $5.

She wasn't too happy about that. I guess it's the principal of the situation, rather than the cost. It sometimes seems that whenever I really get upset and complain about something, it starts happening to other people just so these "Powers That Be" can prove to me that the world doesn't exist just for me (nevertheless, it's fun to debate).

Jesse's Statement: "Wow, Paisley. It's crazy that you just happen to have a woman get out of her car in the middle of traffic and slap you! Nothing like that has happened to me."
Outcome: Jesse's car breaks down in St. Augustine. Shortly afterward, random teenagers circle the car, kick a dent in the side, and ride off on their bikes.

Jesse's Statement: "I can't believe I got two parking tickets for $20!"
Outcome: Rachel receives one ticket for $5.

Most everyone knows that I'm leaving for Virginia this Wednesday to visit my significant Rachel Kindergan (which means that I probably won't be able to update the script for awhile). I am having a major problem with laundry. I have a ton of blacks and jeans, one pair of red pants that have to be washed, a few other random colored items, and some socks that are essential, but not near enough for a full load. What on Earth am I supposed to do?

Things looked pretty bad until I came across SoYouWanna.Com's Learn to Do Laundry tutorial. It was especially tailored for college students, which was good. So, if you're looking for a great link to teach you how to do laundry (or to simply explain these simple techniques that you may not know), definitely check it out. I didn't really learn much from the article, but it did put me in the mood to do laundry. I was all set -- had my quarters, my detergent, my clothes, and my batteries. It's just my luck that all eight washing machines were being used at four o'clock in the afternoon.

Jesse's Statement: "I'm glad that no one ever does laundry during the middle of the week at four o'clock in the afternoon, because I have to have all my laundry done by the time I leave for Virginia on Wednesday."
Outcome: I give up.

Eventually, the laundry room was available. Rachel called me just as I was able to set my clothes on fire. She was explaining to me all her plans for tomorrow, and how she has to prepare everything for my arrival.

SupriseVisit799: I have to prepare for your arrival.
Me_Me_Me: What kind of preparations are we talking about, here?
I have to clean... my room... kitchen... living room. Gonna wash... laundry... mmmm... there was more, I don't remember what.
SupriseVisit799: My vacuum cleaner sucks.
Me_Me_Me: Isn't that what's it's supposed to do?
SupriseVisit799: lol
Me_Me_Me: I guess it's better that it sucks rather than blows.
SupriseVisit799: That depends...on who you are.
Me_Me_Me: You're disgusting.
SupriseVisit799: Eh, it happens.

I've been practicing keeping my mouth shut lately. I mean, sure, crazy things are good because then I can add them to the script. Lately, I've been too busy to experience crazy things, though. I've been busy doing math homework, English papers, and casting for my future movie, "Good Morning, FPC!" (a movie which will probably never get made, but it is still fun to dream).

This topic has been very popular on the forums, but I figured I'd post some highlights in the script since not all script readers are villagers. The idea I had with this was to create a movie based on my old high school, Flagler-Palm Coast High School, and cast everyone with current celebrities. Thanks to help from fellow villagers, we've come up with a wonderful cast list so far, and plan to continue expanding it. Two of the newest cast member decisions are as follows:

The idea to have Amy Lee play Rachel Kindergan came from Judy Vanderoef, and was supported by popular villagers such as Amanda Westerhouse. I think this is an appropriate choice, since the two do indeed look similar.

However, my choice of Sean Connery for Amanda Westerhouse seems to be an even more appropriate choice. Even an amateur casting director is able to notice the similarities between these two.

If you think these casting ideas are interesting, you can supply your input by joining The Village and posting your own ideas. Other cast members include Lori Beth Demberg as Bianca Webb, Ben Stiller as Mr. Delbrugge, and Gene Hackman as Mr. McCoppin.

Judy Vanderoef lookalike, an unnamed woman, was recently killed. Too bad, because she would have been a great candidate to play Judy in the upcoming movie, "Good Morning, FPC!"

While the Country Sausage Biscuit Platter is number 5 on the list, it's surely one of the quickest methods available today*.

Meanwhile, if you check out the new issue of People magazine, you can find a woman on the cover who looks surprisingly like Judy Vanderoef (left). We were in talks with her manager when, after two and a half hours of negotiation, we realized that she was on People because she had recently been murdered.

Unfortunately, this means that we are unable to cast her in "Good Morning, FPC!" as proctor-extraordinaire, Judy Vanderoef. Judy was, in fact, the person who alerted me to this disaster:

"Yesterday, I was in the grocery store and Ricky handed me People magazine. He said 'Mom, you're on the cover.' Even I think this poor woman looks like me. Unfortunately, she is dead. Murdered. Should I take that as a sign of something disastrous ahead for me?"

Judy failed to realize that this death occurred at approximately the SAME TIME as judyhoof.com's closing! This does indeed indicate a correlation. For those of you who are worried about Judy after the judyhoof.com closing, you can send her sympathy mail via telepathy at {[MIND||JUDY|VANDEROEF||SEND>>ACCESS2355<<]}.

Speaking of death, Pierce Brosnan has stated that he won't be returning as James Bond 007 for a fifth time. This is quite a shocker, since he was signed on to do another film, however, at 51 years old, he can't shake it, can't stir it, and certainly isn't up there with any of the younger potentials.