Write on My Face

The month of March has come and gone very quickly. Spring Break was excited for me because I got to venture up north to see my girlfriend Rachel Kindergan in a minimum security psychiatric prison. She's doing well. The doctors say she'll be released sometime next winter.

Last night was interesting. My good friends Kristen, Judy, and Jill Vanderoef came down from Palm Coast to have a night out on the town. We stayed in most of the time, except for when we saw a famous person. We were on our way out to get something for dinner when I noticed a strange looking man through the doors of the Garden Room at UCF.

I'm sure most of you know Max Weinberg from Conan O'Brien. When I say most, I mean no one. At any rate, that's exactly who we saw! In case you don't know him, he's the drummer and he looks like this on television:


Notice I said that that's what he looks like on television. He doesn't look like that in person. He actually looks like this:


His eyes are all going in crazy directions and his glasses are small, Mr. Bourguignon-Physics-Professor style. Lucky for us, we got to take a picture with him.


Notice how he wants to be there. Wait, nope. At least he has cool hair....

Anyway, so, after our disappointing meeting with Maxi-Pad Weinberg, Kristen, Jill and I went back to my room (Judy was already there...she didn't want to meet Maxi) to record some fun Kelly Clarkson songs! You can download them in The Editing Room under Original Recordings.

• "Just Missed the Train," Jill Vanderoef
• "Low," Kristen Vanderoef

But, I think the coolest part of last night was the fact that we got Maxi's personal autographs. He wrote our names on each one -- Jesse, Jill, Kristen (remember, Judy was back at the dorm-ranch, probably watching a movie, i.e., sleeping). I felt special, however, because Maxi wrote a personal little message on my autograph.

Beautiful Soul

I'll start off by saying that The Ring Two was extremely scary.

Second, I'll say that I'm lying.

Third, here's a picture of a deer from The Ring Two:


Notice above the fake looking deer.

Honestly, they don't look much better in the movie. In fact, that picture might actually look better. Anyway, after seeing this crappy movie, I decided to cheer myself up and record a slightly early birthday present for my good friend, Kirsten Dunst Vanderoef.

Without further ado, I present to you my latest vocal performance: "Beautiful Soul," originally performed by Jesse McCartney, improved by Jesse McChapman, and dedicated to Kirsten Dunst Vanderoef for her upcoming birthday. Happy Birthday, Kirsten, and may this scary face be with you:


Go to the download page for this new song by clicking on the scary cross between Jesse McCartney and myself above (or click anywhere in that sentence). If you ask me, I'd rather have computer animated versions of Jesse McCartney in The Ring Two than crappy looking deer.


The above picture is scarier than anything in The Ring Two. Click the above picture to get porn.

Spring Break Survival Guide

So, the Berlin Screen is still up. I thought I've been a good boy, but apparently it's not coming down anytime soon. Maybe I'll be nice and hang some Easter eggs and fake grass on it. I wonder what would happen if I set it on fire.

I woke up this morning at 7:05 AM. My English class was a comfortable twenty-five minutes away. So, I hurried up and collected my twenty-one page English paper, which would be the largest paper I've ever wrote. I'm not exactly sure what the point of the paper was. Nevertheless, it's done well ahead of time. "Study Break" is coming up next week, and I'll have no time to work on the paper. I feel like I'm totally on top of my schoolwork this week, and by that I mean I'll probably fail my Human Species test this Thursday. But, I've got awhile between now and this coming Thursday.

Wait....

Have you ever had a teacher that seems to make things up in the middle of class because they think it sounds like a good idea? Like, they're thinking about it, and they kinda say it, then they gain some more confidence with it, and before you know it, you have five new projects due? Then they make it seem like it was planned.

RoseDawson: Remember, Spring Break is next week. Study Break. That's what I call it. Study Break. Hah, hah. So, you're going to want to turn your rough draft in the Monday you return. And you have to schedual a meeting time with me to go over your paper. So, hopefully you'll be here for that. It's part of your points, your grade points, the...schedualing a time to meet with me is part of your points.
Me_Me_Me is confused.
RoseDawson: So, make sure you come, you know.
RoseDawson wishes she was going to Cancoon for Study Break.
RoseDawson: Because if you don't come you'll lose some points. If you don't turn your rough draft in you'll lose thirty points off your paper, and if you're not here to schedual a meeting time, that's another twenty points you'll lose. So, if you miss Monday's class, the best you can have on your paper is a fifty.
RoseDawson begins to cry.

It almost seems like teachers do that to deal with their own problems. You know, the "if I can't have fun then you can't either," deal. I'm really not a fan of such nonsense. I'd rather the teacher just ask someone in class for sex rather than assign more work. Heck, knowing my 7:30 classmates, someone's bound to offer (my bet on the lesbian that sits in front of me, Brandon).

Many of you will notice that huge amounts of VILLAGERS have signed up for this site's interactive community, THE VILLAGE. Rest assured, I will do a member prune this May to eliminate all the dead VILLAGERS. We'll burn the bodies and use karate on them because karate is awesome.


I've been busy lately working on three new sections to College is a Movie:

• Pictures
• Movies
• Music

All three sections have a huge amount of new items to download.

Most everyone will be happy to know, no pun intended, that my short film two know is now online (as well as the two know teaser trailer) in Movies. I recently submitted the short film to the UCF School of Film and Digital Media in hopes of earning one of their twenty-two positions as a Film BFA. Over two-hundred applicants entered their portfolios, I being one of them. Hopefully, things will turn out for the best.

I recently received an e-mail from a good friend of mine about two know:

I just watched your short film Two Know. OMG!!! I almost cried. That was so good. Great job!!!! I really enjoyed it and plan on showing it to everyone!

That e-mail was from my good friend Bianca Webb. Bianca's interests are singing and word association. Speaking of Ms. Webb, I recently received a letter in the mail from her. Her letter contained a picture.


Funny thing is, that's me standing next to a BLACK. As daring as I am, I couldn't even believe my eyes when I saw the picture:

I'm on the right. Notice, again, that I'm not black.

This picture was taken in Flagler County at Highjackers restaurant. Ironically, when I made that crazy face I had no idea that my photo partner was making the same exact face. I think that's her real face, though. That's definitely not my real face.

Here's what the picture would look like if I were black:


Notice that I'm still the one on the right, except now my mother is from Kenya and my father is a slave from Georgia. That means I deserve to get free college. However, that's not the only way to get free college. You parents could be janitors, too. That sad story would sweep a scholarship banquet faster than Lord of the Rings at the Oscars.

So, Spring Break is coming up for the University of Central Florida. I heard some people talking in English (in my class, and the language).

DaytonaRulz382: omg, i totally booked a room in daytona for a week man it sgoins to be awesome
I_HEART_DAYTONA_AND_SEX: sex, oops

I suppose that I've been jaded by Dayton's magic. I'm going to Virginia for Spring Break to see my girlfriend Rachel. My English class is going to Daytona to see their new friend SexMeBaby99. Have fun, kids, but be sure to check your e-mail. You just might find this totally authentic e-mail sent from the University Police Department:

Spring Break is coming next week and we know that students deserve a break. We wish to share just a few facts about Spring Break. 43% of College Students Binge Drink, Possession of a Fake ID is a Felony, 90% of College Sexual Assaults are Alcohol Related, and Alcohol is involved in estimated 38% of drowning deaths. "Don't make a mistake, think before you drink this Spring Break"

On behalf of the UCF Police Department, the Orange County Coalition for a Drug Free Community, and the Division of Alcoholic Beverages and Tobacco, please be safe and responsible.

In other words:

Spring Break is coming next week and you're all going to drown due to alcohol and Fake ID consumption. Remember, this spring break you need to "be smart, don't try to beach orgy with your friends.

My statistics class is extremely random and easy and not easy and random, did I mention that I'm taking a random class called statistics? Random. Here's a picture of my teacher:


His name is David Nickerson. His hobbies are statistics and Adobe Reader. On the way back from my statistics class today, I came across an interesting drug awareness poster, which conveniently found it's way into my hands:


I'm not sure about you, but I'd rather have a decreased sex drive than constipation, vomiting, muscle twitches, or decreased urination. But, that's how they get these kids to read posters: bold the word sex and just see how many people stop to look! There's probably people watching to count how many look at the poster. Well, now they're having a field day: "Look, Martha, he ripped it off the wall! Sex works!"

Sex

Did that get your attention? Did you read that word before you read other things on the page? If so, my plan of distraction worked. If not, then you're probably never going to get any.

Speaking of which, I don't think I'm ever going to get any sunshine in Orlando. I mean, I am living in Florida, right? Apparently, I'm living in the rainforest, because that's all it's been doing lately: rain foresting.


Notice the herociously doctored image above.