The Civil War was right
You probably know that the further north you go, the colder it gets. What you probably don’t know is that South Carolina sucks ass.
I spent my spring break in Black Mountain, North Carolina. The best part of my trip? Everything. The worst part of my trip? Having to go through South Carolina to get there, and having to go back through South Carolina to come home. After having to brave the awfulness once, upon my return trip I seriously considered spending the extra three hours and three minutes it would have taken to avoid the state entirely.Driving into Georgia, one may notice the simple, “Welcome to Georgia” sign posted on the side of the road. Driving into South Carolina, one may be related to Helen Keller if they miss the enormous welcoming banner and gated-fence superstructure that spans the entire width of the highway. It's a complete joke: South Carolina appears to be one huge retirement community; though no amount of old men diapers could ever match the fecal-flavored scents that South Carolina emits.
Note: Upon a Google Search for the retirement gates of South Carolina, I found absolutely nothing. In fact, all I could find was this:
I promise that I'm not lying. The gates exist. Possible theories: - South Carolina puts up fake images online to make the state seem more normal.
- Georgia built the entrance as a practical joke.
Why the atrocious smells? South Carolina is a trashy paradox. They have more anti-littering signs posted on highways than any other state I’ve visited. They also have more trash on highways than any other state I’ve visited. My friends and I had to keep the windows up and the air conditioning blasting the entire time just to keep the vomit down (no offence to anyone who is from South Carolina – I’m sure you smell just fine).It's only when you near the north side of South Carolina that the state becomes tolerable -- that's because you're now in North Carolina. North Carolina has some special mountain air that magically protects you from the trashy smells and Heather, that horrible waitress at the Ruby Tuesday's off of exit 78. Can't split a check my ass.
The moral of this story? I'm not sure. I'd suggest that if you're planning on taking a vacation to North Carolina, I suggest driving around South Carolina, leaving at least four states in between if possible:
