Life and Laundry

I woke up this afternoon at 3:10 PM with a horrible headache, much like the one I had a few days ago. I'm thinking it's stress related, but then again, it seems that doctor's just like to make you believe everything's stress related.

AccidentProne1: Doctor, my wife was just in a car accident, please, can you help her?
Dr_Couldcareless: Do you think it could be stress related?

Moral of the story, don't go to the doctor. I can tell you everything he'd tell you, but I don't charge.

Waking up this afternoon was also made unpleasant by the very pretty, although ultimately heavy, Matrix Revolutions poster falling on me (for the slower kids in the class, the poster is in a frame). You see, it's not attached to the tack strip because the strip is totally ridiculous, and it pushes the poster off the wall about four inches, so it's flapping in the breeze whenever I have the fan on, so anyway, yeah, it fell on me. That woke me up. I didn't like that. It's probably stress related.

As I'm sure most of you are aware, the "two know" teaser trailer is available for download. If you haven't seen it, be sure to check it out. Speaking of which, the world premier of the video will be next Saturday, September 4, 2004 at the Flagler Auditorium. I'd give you a specific time, but I can't right now. It depends on when Seussical ends, because, ladies and gentlemen, the video will be shown on the Flagler Auditorium's big screen. Be sure to come see Seussical that night, and watch the video afterwards! More information on the DVD release of this short film to come. I'm also going to be showing it to the film department, and I'll get those details to you soon. I'm expecting them to tell me it's crap, but that's how it goes. They tell me it's crap, and I go back and make something even better, and I make the million, theenks.

My day wasn't very long, though, getting up at three o'clock. In order for you to understand how this day went, I'll have to explain to you what happened last night (because I didn't update my journal last night = (

Keeping with the new, "Click-It or Ticket" campaign in Florida, State Troopers are now asking citizens if they've got what it takes to be a driver. Have you got Liquid Courage®?

Last night was very interesting. I had some visitors from a distant land. No, I'm not talking about alien abduction stories, again, Mulder. Rather, a Paisley Majewski and Alex Walsh from Palm Coast decided to chart down to the dandy UCF campus to visit their old friends. They hung around with me for a little bit and told me an amusing anecdote.

Apparently, Paisley was pulled over by a state trooper on the way up here. She'd rather me not disclose any details, but I will release one interesting quote:

"Where did you get such liquid courage...?" - State Trooper

You'll have to ask Paisley for the details.

After their short visit to my dorm, Paiz and Walsh then charted off to visit the various other friends they have on campus. Such friends include Laura Negron, Ashley Walker, and Bill Murray. I didn't see either of them until the next night.

Alright, so fast-forward to four thirty today. Alex called me on the phone and wanted to know where I was. So, naturally I lied to him and told him I was charting across the Alaskan outback.

He didn't buy it.

So, he met me outside the cafeteria and we went up to my dorm. We talked, I messed around on the computer, and he decided to watch some television. No harm done, right?

Laundry sorters, like the one pictured above, are considered "HOT ITEMS," and range anywhere from $200 - $300. They go for $150 on the black market.

WRONG.

You see, I don't have a television on my side of the room. So, naturally, Alex decides to venture into unknown territory. He went into Kurt's area, turned his television on, and watched his favorite golf team, the Chicago Clubs. While I'm not an avid sports fan, I cheered them on as they scored penalty kicks.

Later in the evening, I did some laundry. Let me be the first to tell you that laundry is no picnic. You have to actually, get this, separate clothes into piles? Now, explain to me how that's time efficient when I spend most of my life throwing clothes into one pile? Lucky for me, Amanda Westerhouse went to Wal-Mart with me before college started and purchased a "three-bag-laundry-sorter." So, now, all I have to do is seperate my laundry right when I take it off, rather than later at the washing machine. That saves a huge amount of time in separating. And, I know that many people have different ways of separating laundry, and lots of people have trouble with it. I use the three bags to separate my laundry by shirts, pants, and underwear/socks. It's really not that hard, once you get the hang of it.
Kurtis's mother called me. Did I ever mention that? I don't believe I did. But, it happened awhile ago. Anyway, so his mother called me and talked to me quite extensively about how life is at college and how she wants to meet me. I think she's a little crazy, but she seems like a nice woman. The first person that comes to mind when I talk to her is Brittany Caldwell's mother. For those of you who don't know Britto's mom, she's the one who wrote the original list of "GUEST RULES," which I later modified and turned them into the "DORM RULES."

Which takes me off into another little story. Tyler Teachworth introduced Katie McDuff and I to this very funny girl who lived in Ponte Vedra Beach, almost up near Jacksonville. Her name was Brittany Caldwell. Tyler and Brittany met each other via band, somehow, I'm not exactly sure. They were at a football game, or something like that.

Anyway.

So, Brittany came down and visited us for awhile. We became pretty good friends with her, and all was well. We got along so well, she even invited us up to stay the night at her house. So, Stephen Mayhugh, Tyler, Katie and I all went up to visit Brittany. As I'm getting out of my car, I got that feeling like, "okay, here we go." You know, that feeling when you're going to met a new mom or dad? It's like an evaluation period where you have to sort of, prove your worthiness to be their friend. Yeah, it's stupid, but it happens.

So, we walk up to the door, and Brittany comes outside to greet us.

HatchbackFOCUS: Hey, umm...my mom's a little crazy, I forgot to mention...so, if you could just be cool for awhile, is that okay?
TheGang: Sure.

So, we walk into the front door, and right there on the wall is posted a list. It reads as follows:

Guest Rules

Britto assures me that you are perfect ladies and gentlemen and that you will have no difficulty following these rules. Any questions, just ask.

- Momma Cass

1. Don’t let the dog out.
2. All individuals drinking beverages must either hold the beverage 100% of the time OR use a coaster when not drinking the beverage.
3. Guys – Put the toilet seat down when you finish doing your thing in the bathroom.
4. Use the trash can if necessary. It’s under the sink in the kitchen.
5. All recyclables must be placed in the plastic bag in the kitchen (however, the plastic bag may be moved at a later time.)
6. There are two pizzas in the freezer in the garage. You may cook them. Make sure you are not wasteful. (Only cook what you need.) Make SURE the freezer is completely closed after you get the pizzas out.
7. No male and female may wander off together.
8. No males and females may sleep together.
9. Stay in the house. (Exception would be if you had to leave briefly to get something out of you car and that’s it!)
10. Clean up after yourselves!
11. There are clean towels in the closet in the den. Just get what you need.
12. Please do not feed the dog.
13. Be nice ladies and gentlemen.
14. Wake me in case of any emergency. This would include injury, illness or anything that concerns you.
15. No use of fire without an adult present.
16. Switching labels is prohibited.
17. There will be no recycling of non recyclables (tissues, apples, toy buses, etc.)
18. The golf course is for golfers only – no cars allowed.
19. Check bread before eating (it gets moldy quickly for some reason.)
20. Do not cook pizzas unless you plan to stay awake.
21. No horse play, unless if necessary.
22. No face placement in ANY popcorn bowl at ANY time.
23. Our couch does not vibrate.
24. Fork statues are not allowed.
25. No cold compresses shall be thrown at bottles.
26. No card tricks unless everyone can understand the trick.
27. Our couch is not to be wet.
28. Everyone must survive the night (no suffocating people with pillows).
29. No eating chicken salad sandwiches without checking for bones first!
30. There will be no “Pin the fork on the dog.” If so, there are two forks in the kitchen (which you may use if necessary.)
31. There will be no waking of “Momma Cass” with tales of Stumpy.
32. No midnight carwashes on interstate exits.
33. Do not outline your body in chalk (dead or alive bodies). Also, police line is not to be placed around the house.
34. No sleeping in the bathtub; Mr. Clean is a figment of your imagination.
35. No pretending fruit is a Spanish woman that’s getting her nails filed.
36. There will be no repeated viewing's of “Silence of the Lambs,” unless if necessary.
37. Don’t start too many fires – that upsets Nancy.
38. There are two guns in the closet. You may eat them if necessary.
39. No one shall shut the lights of and say “My leg hurts” while kicking legs frantically.
40. Have a good time.

So, naturally, we left as soon as possible. But that was not before I got the chance to spray green cake decoration on the bread so it looked like it was molding.

Where was I...ah yes! Kurtis's mother called me, and spoke with me at great length. The conversation went something like this:

MommaKurtisApples: Hello?
Me_Me_Me: Hello.
MommaKurtisApples: Kurtis?
Me_Me_Me: Hi, no, this is Jesse, Kurtis's roommate.

Mrs. Vandestreek sits, sobbing.

At this point, I could see where it was going.

MommaKurtisApples: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY SON?

Me _Me_Me: If you ever want to see you son alive again, I suggest you listen very carefully.
MommaKurtisApples: [sobs]
Me_Me_Me: I want ten million in diamonds. You have three hours. There's a phone on Wellson and Lake, you can make it.
MommaKurtisApples: I...can't...I...I...ca...can't!!
Me_Me_Me: You have three hours.
Me_Me_Me has signed off. You have three hours.
MommaKurtisApples: Wait! How much time do I have? [sobs]
Me_Me_Me is not available.

She was a rather nice woman. Too bad about her son.