New Music: Top Eight

It’s certainly the perfect time of year to be celebrating the various holidays that make us so unique and special. For example, I recently took some time out of my life to visit a black person at Wal-Mart. While it may not seem like a huge gesture for some, those of you who know me personally know that I’ve had a bad history of black-run-ins. For one, I constantly almost hit them on the road at night – for two, a black person broke into my apartment the other night and stole some items from me. While there’s no way to be certain that it was a “blackie” as I like to call them, the act of stealing indicates with high certainty that it was indeed a black night stealer.

And even though I fully support the troops in Iraq and the dew on my lawn, I still find it funny that I get offended when people wish me a "Merry Christmas." I celebrate Christmas. But for some reason I want to throat chop the people who say it to me because they have no idea what I celebrate. I know I don't look Jewish, but I know how to pilot a craft. I could easily fly some planes into some towers. I bet that would teach those inconsiderate jerks to open their eyes up to the realities of the world.

Of course, I don't want to be a "copy camel" so to speak. Per se. Vis-à-vis. Instead, I think I'll just spread some Christmas joy by announcing two very big and very important events in my life. The first is that my new single, “Top Eight” is finally done in the studio. It’s taken some time and some finagling, but it’s now ready for the world to hear. The song is a parody of Nickelback’s “Far Away,” but not really. It’s sung to the tune of “Far Away,” but it’s really more of a commentary on how ridiculous and creepy MySpace is.

Which leads me to the second big piece of news I’d like to share with you during this lovely Holiday week – I now have a MySpace. I know, I know. I said I’d never get one. But, it just so happens that the person who recorded back-up vocals for my hit single, “Top Eight” said that he would do so only if I got a MySpace. But here’s now I rationalized this atrocity against my people – it’s MySpace Music. And yes, that means that the song is currently posted on my “Space,” if you will. Per se. Vis-à-vis.

So, without further ado -- please visit either the Music section of College is a Movie or venture onto the most unreliable servers of all time where my MySpace my my my Space my is located. My. Oh, and feel free to view the LYRICS to the song below (or on my my MySpace).

Music section of College is a Movie

My MySpace My You Me My

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log in
online
who will
I find?
bulletins
friend’s place
got it all
on MySpace
you don’t look
like you do
online
but hey, that’s cool
you don’t know (ahhh)
don’t know, don’t know

that I saw you
saw you at that coffee place
you love Starbucks
found that out on your MySpace
I keep reading your blog
and your profile page
don’t care that you are
only half of my age

got the address
to your place
and pictures of
your pretty face
I know it’s weird
I stole your purse
please calm down
it just gets worse
I broke into
your house, you see
made a copy
of your house key
you don’t know (ahhh)
don’t know, don’t know

that I saw you
the first time at that coffee place
you have no secrets
tracked you down on your MySpace
I keep hearing a song playing
oh no
keep loading
i think my computer just froze

top eight (top eight)
top eight’s where you belong
top eight (top eight)
top eight’s where you belong
then you go, you go, oh no! (ahhh)

You blocked me
You blocked me from your space
And you even
You even moved out of your place
But I’ll find you
I’ll find you if it kills me
I forgot to tell you
I made some spares of your car keys
So keep driving
‘Cause it won’t matter where you go
Keep hiding
There’s nothing about you that I don’t know

Keep driving
I’ll stop you by breaking off your legs
Keep hiding
Keep you trapped in a tiny cage
Keep blogging
I’ll touch your boobies
Keep creeping
Don’t care that you’re only half of my age